Hooo boy, how to put this into words.  I'm new here, 57; my husband is 68.  I have lost my libido, and for some reason he's obsessed with sex, even though "it" doesn't work.  We've been together almost 30 years----for the first 10 or so years, I wanted sex often, but he didn't.  His response was: "you're being insecure".  I loved having sex, and it was very frustrating; however, I've never been one to do strange and unusual things (neither was he).  I've never been comfortable "exposing" myself, even though I'm not overweight and have a pretty decent body.  But I loved sex, even though reaching orgasm wasn't as easy as others make it out to be.  But once I was there, it was explosive.  But only one, thank you.  (Are multiple orgasms for real???)

Anyway, after being rejected sexually for so many years, I had learned to put a lid on my sex drive.  If my husband wanted it, great, but I wasn't about to push the issue.  I may also add that we both were drinking very regularly, every day; his drinking was a point of contention with me, and that in itself created a lot of problems.  But it was like the pot calling the kettle black.  About 10 years ago, ED set in.  And around that time, for some ridiculous reason, he started becoming more interested in sex.  Try Viagra---well, the timing was often off, and it doesn't work too well, either.  

A few years ago I quit drinking.  Had to.  He still drinks, which turns me off.  So does his beer gut.  And now the loss of my libido, which more-or-less began around the same time I quit drinking.  He thinks I'm having an affair.  I'm not, and am not even thinking of it!  I have a lot of new friends, people with whom I play music.  He doesn't know most of them, and because they're not heavy drinkers, he wouldn't have anything in common with them anyway.  I think he's jealous, because I am getting so much enjoyment out of my music, and have no inclinations towards sex. 

I would like to cuddle; I like the closeness, but he takes it as a green light.  So I keep my distance.  When we do try to have sex, it seems so impersonal and desperate, especially when there is no erection.  And no erection makes me feel like "why bother?"  I'd rather be ANYWHERE but there, on my back, risking muscle spasms in my back. 

There are obviously other issues here other than the whole sex thing.  Counseling is out of the question; he'd never go.  I would just like to talk to someone who is in the same boat as me.  If he wasn't interested in sex, I think I'd be happy as a clam!!  (I have a hard time believing that seniors can really still enjoy sex...)

I am a 58 yr old guy. Last August I was finally divorced from my 2nd wife of 30 years who walked out 6 years previously. Thru our 30's and 40's our sex life cooled off dramatically. She is 6 years my junior. I have to confess, her drive increased while mine decreased. In hind sight it was lack of communication that was the single largest factor in our difficulties. Not hormones. In truth I realize my ability never dropped. We talked little about our feelings, needs, desires, etc. We grew way apart so that sex was maybe 2-3 time a year, and very quick to climax on my part.

8 months ago I met a neighbor lady age 63. I have made a concerted effort to be as open, honest and communicative as possible. I have told her secrets from my inner most soul that I have shared with no one ever before. Over time we have become best friends first. I had not had sex in 6 years and she had not had any in 7 years. It was 6 months into our relationship before we even had our first time making love. It was so beautiful and still is. She is a real tiger in the bed, being as much a giver as a taker. The first time we had sex I came real soon. But she said: "at our age we mustn't be in such a rush. We have plenty of time to enjoy each other." The 3rd time we were going for about 30 minutes. She had come several times, then I got an awful charlie horse in my thigh. We laughed it off and just cuddled for another hour.

Our communication continues at all levels and is maintained with mutual respect. Sex has become great fun and a real bond between us. She will be retiring soon and we plan to have much more sex than we now do with the daily stress of jobs. We have never felt the depth of love like this before, even in our former marriages. We can't stand to be apart. We still maintain separate townhouses 3 blocks apart but plan on moving in together in the future. Yesterday I even bought a cemetery plot right next to hers with a matching marker. We want to grow old together. Life, despite all its troubles, has never been this good to me before.

http://www.medpie.com/top-health-stories/in-the-news/111809-better-sex.html

The most important factor contributing to female sexual dysfunction is a high body mass index.  That should be a little motivation for getting in shape for better sex. 

I came across an article this morning that talks about foods you can use to increase your sex drive or "get you in the mood." Here's a snippet from the article:

"The other contestant in this class is ginger, which wakes up a person's mouth. It is a known blood thinner that helps flow get to the parts of the body that need it the most for sexual arousal. It's right up there with chiles: B+."

The article goes on to explain a list of other foods that can be used as sexual aids: http://www.aarp.org/family/love/the_naked_truth/articles/grading_aphrodisiacs.html

Hello, My first time here in the discussion forum.

Thanks for the relpy. This wonderful relationship has grown leaps and bounds since my last post. This is a wonderful, giving, loving, funny man. I have never known a love like this. We have an incredible connection. Totally comfortable and content with each other. I think you are right, life experiences teach us so much. When you get a second chance like this you avoid all the mistakes of the past and put forth every effort to make this time as perfect as possible. The thought of life getting shorter and not wasting any time certainly enters into it as well. I am happy, thank you!

Sometimes members of the  MeetingLand ask me the same question in their messages. I always say that it's wonderful when two hearts meet each other for love and sex. And the age is doesn't matter. Moreover, grown-ups have much more life wisdom to avoid mistakes, overcome obstacles, save and develop relationship. Be happy!

Have you ever been in love?