Contact your local department of social services temporary assistance office.  They distribute the "child-only" or non-parent grant that aarp mentioned in their article.  Good Luck!

Oh my goodness!  You sound just like me.  I've had my two little ones since they were babies.  They are now 6 and 7.  I have legal custody and I'm doing it alone.  I'm am fortunate, however, that both are healthy and no difficulties, thus far.  I understand the stress level.  There is never enough time and I'm just exhausted.  I find myself doing a lot of yelling.  More than I ever have before.  It's very frustrating for me and I'm sure more so for the children.  I'm too am trying to do a good job raising these children and all too often feel I'm failing.

Grandparents raising grandchildren:

     I am a writer who has recently finished a book entitled Roughneck. One of the themes is that at three I was snatched away from my home in Cincinnati, Ohio and taken by my father to Louisiana where I live with him and his parent.s. Three of us: Marilyn 9, Jimmy 7 and I showed up at their door with all our worldly belongings.

     That was an unselfish decision they made that day. Both grandparents were in their 70s. 

An excerpt from Roughneck:

     Granny would come get me to take a nap with her. My mind drifted off to summer, the attic fan blowing a strong breeze through the row of tall windows right by the bed, all hot air, but the movement was divine.  Granny was stout when she was young and her big arms flapped soft and loving as I nudged up to her as close as I could get, sweat pouring off both of us, as I listened to the old stories and fell to sleep.

Wow, I feel guilty whining about my own situation after reading some of these posts.  My 23yr old daughter and her son live with me.  She has been here since she was pregnant. She was raped at knife point in March of 07 and just went down hill from there.  She got pregnant 2 months later and the father was a worthless, recovering meth addict who wasn't exactly recovered.  Still married, but presented himself as divorced since that was what he "intended" to do. They were "breaking up", after 2 months when she discovered she was pregnant. She moved in with him and I spent hundreds of dollars fixing up their place and using any excuse I could to keep my eye on the situation.  She was working fast food full time and he did construction when it suited him.  He was seeing his "Ex", staying out all night, cutting himself, doing ecstacy and got some sort of perverted pleasure in emotionally torturing my daughter with all this. 

At least it only took her 3 months to realize she was going to end up abused if she stayed there.  I moved her in with us.  The baby was born in Jan 08.  He is my little dolly boy.  I love him dearly and he is a sweet heart.  Unfortunately my marriiage of 31 yrs that wasn't very solid to begin with crumbled in the wake of all this turmoil.  My husband finally got out of the house last October and the three of us are on our own.

My daughter returned to college last fall but with very little financial help.  Our combined incomes (we are only separated) disqualified her for any financial aid. The state refuses to help with daycare cause she wont go after the father for financial support.  We are totally behind her in this.  To have him in their lives would be a disaster.  He too is inconsistent, controlling, and an emotional wreck himself.  My grandson's life would be in turmoil if he were experiencing the personality of his father. I'd rather carry the burden than deal with him.

Just this week my husband was laid off work, so no more financial help with the daughter and grandson.  I'm cancelling servcies and ratcheting down every single expense I can to try and deal with this.  And as the rest of you feel, I am exhausted.  I work fulltime and come home to relieve my daughter so she can have a break.  It wouldn't be so bad, but she does little to help with our physical surroundings.  It has taken me a year just to get her to take responsibility for the kitchen.  Her own room smells like that of a 14yr old boy. I have yet to find an approach that works.  Kindness, patience, threats, consequences, nothing helps.

This certainly isn't what I expected at 58yrs old, but what else do you do?  I would NEVER throw them out on the streets and I have heard of plenty of parents who have done that.  I never will, no matter what.  I have a friend who I unload on regularly.  I used to go do things occassionally but now that finances are an issue, that will come to a halt.  However, I can get out of the house and I am not totally alone in raising my grandson.

Right now they are both gone for the day.  My house is delightfully SILENT!  I should do the dishes, but I'm not.  I'm going to go take a nap and recharge for the next onslaught.  My heart goes out to every single one of you.  We are the only solid foundation these young people and children have.  We will all probably die trying to save their lives, but what else is life if not service to others? 

I have been taking care of my 4 year old granddaughter for the last few months.  Her father is in jail on a felony charge. Probably will be in jail for 5 years.   I was not aware that he had a previous record.  My daughter, her mother, has been taking drugs and recently went into detox for the 3rd time.  I am at my wits end.  My daughter is in rehab now and she promises to clean up her life.  I have help from my other children but it is very difficult since they have their own children.  Can I get help? I read about a grant that AARP NY is offering for grandparents.  How do I apply if I am eligible?

 I'm also glad to find this group. My three-year-old grandson has been living with me for three months or so, and it does get stressful. I can only imagine having two or three. Fortunately I am not a single mom this time around, as I was with his mom. Except when my husband is out of town like this week. I've been looking at resources online, both grandparent support and parenting suggestions. A list of some games to try are in a link I'm going to try to include from one of my favorite sites. Since my grandson comes to me with some trauma, I need all the suggestions I can get.

www.empathic-parenting.com/index_games.htm

I know how you feel. I have been raising my 2 grandchildren now ages 5& 7 years for the last 4 years. My daughter is divorced from a "deadbeat" in every sense of the word. He is very irresponsible and inconsistent with his children emotionally and financially. On the financial end he owes thousands in back support and medical bills. On the emotional end he is inconsistent with his visits and his phone calls which in one way is a blessing as he has problems with gambling and drinking. It is so sad however for my daughter and these beautiful children that the father is like this but this is the way it is. His parents unfortuneately have very little contact with these beautiful children, no phone calls, no gifts for their birthdays or holidays. They only do a "drive by " every so often when they come to visit family and friends. My husband ,my daughter and i am basically raising these children alone without any support system. My daughter worked ,went to school for a change of career and is looking for employment and i am the basic caregiver of these beautiful children. It is very hard as they both have services and my grandson is in special ed with special needs. We love these kids with all our hearts and they have a wonderful home but it is a very tough task. Good luck and God bless.

Hi nanawhoda55!

You are NOT alone!  There are millions of grandparents in your situation. I'd love to help you get connected with a grandparent support group in your area. You can visit the Grandcare Support Locator here on the AARP site at http://www.giclocalsupport.org/pages/gic_db_home.cfm and search for a group in your area.  You can also look at the state fact sheet for your state at www.grandfactsheets.org for more information and supportive programs for grandparents and other relatives raising children.

I used to head up Grandparenting at AARP, and I still have my monthly column on the AARP site, but I am also now currently Sr. VP of Outreach at Grandparents.com, and there are also discussion boards and articles and lots of good resources on that site at www.grandparents.com - check it out!

I'm concerned about how stressed out you are! I always advise grandparent caregivers to take some time for YOU. If you don't, you won't be able to care for your grandkids at all. Can you ask family members for some help? A friend or neighbor to watch the kids once a week so you can have some time to yourself to shop or see friends or just do nothing at all? What fills you up? Is it being outside, being with friends, gardening, playing cards, reading - whatever it is, be aware of it and try to work it into your week every week.

Please let me know how else I can help. Feel free to email me at amy@grandparents.com.  And remember, you are NOT alone.