Visitation

By: AARP Foundation Grandparent Program | Source: AARP.org | June 20, 2006

Most grandparents visit with their grandchildren whenever they want to. They plan fun activities for the children. They send cards and emails. They take the kids on trips. They may even spoil the grandchildren a little bit. Many provide day care. Others help raise their grandchildren. All this helps keep families strong.

Sadly, some grandparents don't ever see their grandchildren because the children's parents or legal guardians won't let them. This happens for many reasons. There might be bad feelings between the grandchildren's parents and grandparents. The children's parents could be divorced. Or maybe one parent has died. The parent who has custody may want to break ties with the grandparents.

State Laws

Are you having problems seeing your grandchild? The first thing you need to do is learn about the visitation law in the state where your grandchild lives. No state law is going to automatically give you the right to visit your grandchild, but in some states you can hire a family law attorney and go to court to ask for visitation. In those states, a judge will make the final decision after looking at your family situation.

All 50 states once had laws that gave grandparents the right to ask the court to consider their request to visit their grandchildren. This is not true anymore. In many states, courts have made grandparent visitation laws invalid, deciding that they go against the rights of the parents. In those states grandparents can't ask the court to consider their request to visit with their grandchildren.

In some states, the visitation laws have been upheld by the courts. In those states the grandparents have to prove in court that they should be able to visit their grandchildren. This is hard to do. In some of these states the laws say the court should decide based on what is in the best interest of the child. In other states the grandparents have to prove that the grandchild will be harmed if he or she does not visit with the grandparents.

A family law attorney can tell you whether the grandparent visitation law in the state where your grandchild lives has been upheld or made invalid by the courts.

Resolving Visitation Issues

Going to court costs money. It can also be very upsetting. Before you decide to go to court, try some other ways to resolve the problem. Here are some tips:

• Are the grandchild's parents getting a divorce? Ask them to set up a visiting schedule for you as part of their divorce agreement. This could help you avoid problems in the future.
• Try mending your relationship with your grandchild's parents. You may be able to work out a solution that fits both your needs.
• Think about using a trained mediator. Mediators help people come to an agreement. Each side gives a little. And each side wins something. This option doesn't cost much. It could help you see your grandchild. It could also help keep you out of court. To find a trained mediator you can call the court house, look in the yellow pages, or search on the Internet.
• Keep in touch with your grandchild. Send cards and gifts. Call on the telephone. Keep a record of all the times you try to contact the child. This will help you show a mediator or judge that you have a strong interest in your grandchild.
• While your grandchildren will in some ways automatically be in the middle of the visitation problem, never put them on the spot or talk badly about their parents to them. That will only hurt your grandchild (and your chances of getting visitation) in the long run.
• Do you have to go to court? Use an attorney who has experience with family law issues in the state where the grandchild lives.

AARP Resources

• Finding Affordable Legal Help
  Find out if you are eligible for free or reduced-cost services by contacting the organizations listed here.
• AARP Foundation Litigation: Grandparenting
  AARP Foundation Litigation has compiled a list of recent court cases involving grandparents.

Other Resources

• Family Mediator and Approved Trainings Referral List
  The Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR) maintains a list of mediators who have met the association's standards for training and experience. You can search the database by state or zip code.
• Consumer's Guide to Legal Help on the Internet and a little beyond...
  The American Bar Association offers a guide to finding legal help, including how to hire a lawyer and how to get free legal help. It also provides a directory of local programs that can refer you to a lawyer.

Books

• "Grandparents' Rights," Traci Truly, Sourcebooks, Incorporated, March 2001
• "Helping Your Grandchildren Through Their Parents' Divorce," Joan Schrager Cohen, Walker & Company, August 1994