Driving Discussion With Loved Ones

By: AARP Driver Safety Program | Source: AARP.org | September 15, 2005

Talking to loved ones about whether or not they should continue driving is not easy. However, these guidelines help create productive and healthy conversations about their driving abilities:

1. Accentuate the positive. While you may find instances in which your parent is not driving safely, focus on what he or she can do well. For example, simple trips around a small town during the day may pose no hazards. Avoiding driving in some situations may be easier than stopping completely.
2. Be sensitive in how you approach driving issues with your parents. No one at any age likes to be told he or she is a dangerous driver, and studies show that most older individuals consider themselves relatively safe behind the wheel.
   a. Avoid taking a nasty tone, criticizing your loved one, or making him or her feel attacked. Express positive and supportive feelings instead.
   b. Bring up the topic indirectly, such as, "I heard Mr. Jones gave up driving. Do you think your driving ability has changed?" Talk about ideas you have for keeping your loved one on the road, rather than suggesting that they give up driving.
   c. Provide reinforcement to correct shortcomings and overcome fears. Try to be understanding if your parent resists change. Just talking about an issue can help you gradually work toward better answers. Think about how you'd like your own children to address driving with you some day.
3. Help parents assess their current driving skills and address problems. If your parents are agreeable, you can help them assess their current driving skills by checking with local colleges or universities, occupational therapists, doctors, or the American Automobile Association. You can then address problems the assessment uncovers. For example, if reaction time is slowing, a driver can allow more space between his or her car and the one in front. A driver can also avoid driving during peak traffic times or in crowded areas. Driver improvement courses or even behind-the-wheel driver's education courses are other options.
4. Encourage habits that make driving safer. Your parents have many options besides stopping to drive entirely. Help your parents incorporate the following techniques for safer driving:
   a. Avoid night driving, rush hour, or being on the road in bad weather.
   b. Limit trips in the car to short distances. Plan and know the route in advance.
   c. Incorporate more space between your car and the one in front. Doing so can protect a driver whose reaction time is slowing.
   d. Obtain regular medical check-ups, including those for hearing and vision. Exercise regularly to maintain strength and flexibility. Make sure the medications you take don't interfere with your alertness or ability to drive.
5. Include parents as an active part of all discussions and decisions about their driving. They should feel they are still in control and that you respect their ability to direct their own lives. The motivation for change must come from them, both for their own safety and for your relationship.
6. Help parents find other means of transportation so they can learn how to get around without a car. Work with your parents to identify what public, private, and community transportation services are available. These may include public buses, subways, taxis, private drivers for hire, senior transportation services, and voluntary driving services. Consider the following approaches:
   a. Brainstorm together how your parents might get rides, and pitch in yourself.
   b. Investigate what's available in your loved ones' community. Talk to your parent(s) about what they might do for someone else in exchange for transportation.
   c. Find out about any discount or reduced rate programs for older adults.
7. Involve others if driving is dangerous. If your parents refuse to make changes or stop driving, find a doctor, a member of the clergy, or a family friend to help. As a last resort, you can contact the local Department of Motor Vehicles and report unsafe driving. Most states will contact older adults, ask them to take driving tests, and revoke their licenses if necessary.

For additional information on how to talk to a loved one about driving retirement, please consult our "We Need to Talk" program.