Internet Dating 101
By: Sallie Foley
AARP Books
Sex &
Love for Grownups
Sallie Foley gives the ins and outs to marriage, dating, and relationships, in her book "Sex & Love for Grownups: A No-Nonsense Guide to a Life of Passion."
Q: Several of my friends are very into Internet dating, but I’m a little wary of meeting people this way. Do you have any suggestions for how to screen dates?
A: Your uneasiness makes sense: We’re used to sizing up people through all kinds of verbal and visual clues you can’t get from a computer screen. Also, cyber-Romeos don’t have a seal of approval—as in, he’s a friend of your sister’s masseuse—and that makes the terrain even trickier.
However, established online dating services (www.Match.com, www.Matchmaker.com, etc.) keep your e-mail address confidential and take other steps to screen out creeps. With a few smart precautions, you may actually find invitations by computer preferable to meeting strangers in smoky bars.
First, stay anonymous for as long as you feel comfortable doing so, regardless of the other person’s questions. Don’t reveal any identifying details about yourself until you’re satisfied that Damon from Dayton is the Nobel laureate he says he is. If you feel pressured, don’t hesitate to end the connection. “You should be less concerned for other people’s feelings than for your own safety,” says Trish McDermott, vice president at Match.com. “The beauty of this technology is that you can just cut the line and cast again.” Does that strike you as rude? Don’t sweat it. It’s accepted etiquette in online dating.
Request a recent picture. No, you can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a person who can’t use a comb. “Good online dating sites make it easy to send a picture,” says McDermott. “Reluctance to do so is a red flag.”
Third, watch for even small inconsistencies in the messages. Did your online suitor graduate from Michigan University or Michigan State? If he’s lying in his notes, he’ll likely contradict himself at some point. If possible, verify your correspondent’s marital status; sad to say, not everyone is as legally available as they may represent themselves.
If you decide to meet, use blind-date common sense: Choose a crowded public place, and transport yourself to and from the date. If he seems like a prize catch who deserves a second date, go for it. But remember Reagan’s slogan regarding Soviet disarmament: Trust but verify.
From Sex & Love for Grownups, by Sallie Foley, pp. 36-37.
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