Sexy Lingerie or No Sexy Lingerie

 

A:  If two grown people enjoy something, who cares if it’s “normal”? But note the word two. “Sex play has to be entered into freely, and both partners need the option to say no,” says Jean Koehler, past president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists.

 

If the come-and-get-me undies are out of your comfort zone, don’t feel compelled to strut around for him like Sally Bowles from Cabaret.

 

But to quote you, “The sex is great.” Hmmm... not something you hear every day from a woman who’s been married 35 years. Before you nix the naughty knickers, try on these thoughts:

 

First, high-caliber women do wear sexy lingerie. Character and style make you a lady, not all-cotton granny panties.

 

Second, your husband’s lingerie lust will ring a bell with many men, who require more mojo to get ready for romance as they age. Crimson-laced thigh-highs can be visual Viagra. Don’t think this means he’s bored with you; it may be the opposite. You two have been together since Woodstock, but you still make him feel like a bong-crazy teen. Relationships often benefit from newness, Koehler adds, “if both partners are open to it.”

 

My survey of friends suggests that lots of women face a Victoria’s Secret moment. So try this compromise: Shop together for lingerie that’s subtle enough for you but slinky enough for him.