9 Ways to Fall Back in Love

Rekindle the Fire

En español l We know that marriage is good for you — couples in good marriages have better overall health and live longer — but things can also become a little stale and predictable as the decades pass. Here are nine ways to generate some of those early sparks and reconnect. It’s never too late to fall back in love.

Say Something Nice

How many positive things do you tell your partner each day compared with the number of negative things? Couples who stay happily married have a 5–1 ratio, meaning five positive comments to every negative one, an analysis found. So try more compliments and less criticism.

Look Into My Eyes

Do you look into your partner’s eyes when the two of you talk? University of California researchers found that couples ranging from ages 18 to 60 who made eye contact when they talked, and exchanged frequent affectionate touches, were happier and felt more appreciated.

Pucker Up

Here’s a good reason to kiss more frequently: It’s not only better for your relationship — it’s also better for your heart. An Arizona State University study discovered that couples who were told to kiss more often reduced both their stress and cholesterol — and increased their happiness. So pucker up and smooch.            

Write Your Own Love Story

Rekindle romance by penning the narrative of your marriage. Read each other’s accounts and use them as a starting point to talk about your hopes and dreams for the coming years, recommends Jacqueline Hudak, clinical director of University of Pennsylvania’s Center for Couples and Adult Families.

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Sleep Tight

Sleeping close to, and touching, your partner during the night can improve your happiness quotient. British researchers found that couples who slept less than an inch apart and spent the night in contact with each other were happiest. The farther apart a couple slept, the worse their relationship. So snuggle up.
   

Try Some New Toys

Sex toys, such as vibrators, can add something new and exciting to your love life — and make you healthier. A pair of studies from Indiana University found that both men and women who used vibrators were more sexually satisfied and more likely to do self-exams and get regular checkups.            

Reach Out and Touch

If sexual intercourse becomes difficult or impossible, substitute touching and caressing to build a deep sense of intimacy that will keep romance alive, suggests research scientist Justin Garcia of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University. Those feelings of intimacy can provide sexual satisfaction in the absence of intercourse.

Learn Something New Together

To bring back some pizzazz to a marriage that seems ho-hum, “take a class together or volunteer to work for a cause you both believe in,” says Cameron Gordon, director of the Marital Studies Lab at the University of North Carolina Wilmington. “Doing things together helps keep a marriage fresh.”

Use Pictures as Reminders

Pin up vacation photos from the early years of your marriage. “They'll help you reconnect with each other through fond memories of places you've been and encourage you to plan another trip that will create a new memory,” says Lauren Papp, director of the University of Wisconsin-Madison Couples Lab.            

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