Caregiving for a Sick Friend

Rosen Aires finally settled on playing Scrabble with her ALS-afflicted friend once a week and bringing weekly meals. "I was good at doing concrete things," she says.

To help those who want to help, experts suggest developing a plan of care. Friends can get together with their sick pal, determine what tasks need to be done and then delegate those jobs based on people's capabilities and schedules. For instance, perhaps one person can drive the friend to the doctor's office twice a week, and others can supply meals, do laundry, clean the house or cut the lawn.

A number of free Internet sites and mobile apps offer help in organizing, scheduling and supporting those who want to assist in caregiving. Some of the largest include:

CaringBridge

Mobile app: CaringBridge

This Minnesota nonprofit provides a calendar to schedule volunteer services, as well as space for personal journals that can be shared — or not — with others. The site emphasizes the power of connecting people as they move through their "struggles, small victories and gratitude." Nearly all funding for the free site comes from donations by people who use the service. The site is simple to set up and navigate.

Lotsa Helping Hands

Mobile app: Lotsa Helping Hands

The motto of this service is "Create community," and that's exactly what it does. The site helps users develop a community of volunteers who want to contribute meals, rides or other services. An online calendar provides a color-coded system that alerts participants when help is needed, when needs have been met or when a special occasion is scheduled. Once the account is established, it's a snap to add new helping communities — such as a church, synagogue or school groups — to the contact list. Patients and site coordinators can post updates to a blog and e-mail requests or messages easily.

CareZone

Mobile app: CareZone

CEO Jonathan Schwartz says CareZone reflects "what it would look like to care for someone online." The site and app allow family and friends to store everything from drug prescriptions, dosages and medication schedules to hospital reports, garage codes and passwords for online accounts in a single secure space. Keeping this information on one site helps reduce repetition of activities or the chance of missing an important appointment.

CarePages

This website, on which patients or caregivers can post a status update and keep a personal journal, stresses support and inspiration. The site includes a number of articles on diseases and uplifting medical stories. Privately labeled CarePages websites are also offered by more than 625 U.S. and Canadian health care facilities.

Little ways to be a big help when a friend is in the hospital

• If family members are spending most of their days (and nights) at the hospital, get a Visa or MasterCard (or other) gift card for them to use in the cafeteria. Or offer to bring them a favorite take-out meal.
• Offer a hand or foot rub to your friend in the hospital bed.
• Drive by the house to see if the lawn needs to be mowed, trimmed or raked, or if the walk needs to be shoveled.
• Offer to fill up the car with gas — and run it through a car wash.
• Pick up the newspaper from the yard or walk so it's not obvious that no one is home.
• Roll out the trash barrels on collection day and put them back that night or the next day.
• Instead of sending a fruit basket, prepare two or three small containers of cut-up fruit, which won't go bad quickly.
• If you bring flowers, don't put them in a vase or container that needs to be returned. (Ditto with food containers.)
• Make and drop off a meal that can be frozen if not eaten.
• When you visit, don't make the whole conversation about the ill person. Unless your buddy clearly isn't into it, talk about the kind of stuff you'd normally chat about. It's nice to have a diversion.
• Resist the urge to talk about someone else's surgery horror story, allergic reaction, heart attack, tumor or medical mishap.
• If your friend has posthospital doctor's appointments and can't drive because of surgery or medications, offer to serve as driver. Be specific about when you're available, but be sure it's a several-hour block of time.

Ilene Raymond Rush is a freelance health writer.

Sylvia Smith, AARP executive editor, contributed hospital tips.