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‘The Excitements’ Chapters 37-42


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Illustration by Agata Nowicka

Chapter Thirty-Seven

With the ring halfway down her oesophagus and threatening to come back up, Penny allowed herself to be marched back into the auction house. What choice did she have? The young man had a gun, as did his two companions. It was an unwelcome eventuality that she had not planned for.

There was a surreal moment as the four of them—three gunmen and one nonagenarian in danger of choking on a priceless emerald—entered the grand salon together. The party guests continued to drink champagne and chatter. No one was watching what was happening at the door. The young man’s angry shout went unheard over the gossip and the valiant playing of the string quartet to which no one had been listening all evening.

“Right,” the gunman said. “Let’s do this.”

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With his hand on Penny’s shoulder, he fired a single shot into the air to attract the party’s attention. It brought down half of an expensive 1960s Murano glass light fitting, which was thankfully hanging over a large table and not over anyone’s head. Even then, it was a second or two before anyone seemed to realise that the light fitting had been brought down deliberately.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Penny’s captor announced over the hubbub. “May I have your attention, please. This is a siege and you are being taken hostage. Please sit down on the floor with your hands on your heads and nobody will be hurt.”

“Oh dear,” said Penny, as she thumped her chest to help the ring go down. It had been a long time since she’d swallowed anything so unyielding and she could hardly believe she’d ever done it. “Sit on the floor? I’m afraid I’m not sure I can manage that.”

Around the room, most people remained standing in confusion. What had the masked man said? they asked one another. Was this some sort of performance art specially put on for the party? Since the pandemic, masks had become so much a part of daily life that they no longer registered as sinister in quite the same way as they used to. It took another shot into the ceiling to really draw everyone’s attention.

“Floor. Now. Please,” the chief gunman commanded. “Hands on your heads.”

Slowly realising that this wasn’t a joke or the beginning of a witty art piece, the elegantly dressed guests started to lower themselves slowly to the parquet and arrange themselves cross-legged, like school children. Anyone who tried to slip away—and there were a couple—was swiftly blocked by the masked man’s accomplices, who had taken up a position by the main door. The auction house’s official security team were nowhere to be seen, having made their escape while the gunmen were pushing their way in. The security guards obviously had it clear in their minds which was the more valuable: their jobs or their lives. If any of the punters had brought their own security, they too were suddenly elsewhere.

“What’s going on?” came the murmur from every corner. “Who are these people?” The guests outnumbered the gunmen by a factor of a hundred but they allowed themselves to be subdued by the sight of the weapons, as well they might.

It wasn’t long before only three people apart from the gunmen remained standing. Penny wasn’t even trying to sit down. Archie stood alongside Josephine—who, like Penny, could not get down onto the floor on a whim—and Veronique, in her wheelchair. The young man who had been pushing Veronique’s chair was already on the floor. Archie still had Josephine’s treasured leftovers in his hand.

“Get down,” one of the two junior hostage-takers demanded. “That means all of you.”

“Would you mind?” Archie handed the plate of leftovers to Veronique, who cradled them in her lap. He then did his best to help Josephine to the floor but it was hopeless.

“I should never have given up yoga,” Josephine attempted a joke.

“You can’t expect these ladies to get down on the floor,” Archie told the chief gunman. “My great-aunts are ninety-seven and ninety-nine years old.”

“I don’t care. Sit down,” said the chief gunman.

“I definitely can’t,” said Penny. “I’ll never get back up.”

“Sit down.”

“They can’t sit on the floor. And I won’t sit down either,” said Archie. “Unless you allow me to get these ladies some chairs first.”

The chief gunman levelled the barrel of his gun at Archie.

“What?”

“Archie,” said Josephine. “I think we’ll just have to do as the young man asks.”

But it wasn’t happening. The entire room held its breath as Archie and Josephine performed a funny little dance that got her absolutely no closer to sitting cross-legged.

“Is this going to take long?” Penny asked the gunman.

“We’ll be here as long as we have to be.”

“Then we probably will need chairs.”

“What? Get them some chairs then,” the gunman barked at Archie. “But don’t try anything funny or I’ll blow this lady’s head off.”

He put the gun to Penny’s temple.

“Gosh,” said Penny. She gave Archie a little nod.

“One of the gilt ones,” she instructed. “The other ones are too low for my back.”

“Thank you,” said Archie to the gunman. He went to fetch two gilt chairs, apologising to his fellow hostages as he stepped over their legs.

“Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.”

“Archie,” Stéphane hissed at him from knee-height. “What are you doing? Be careful.”

“My great-aunts cannot sit on the floor,” said Archie, sounding a good deal braver than he felt in that moment. “I’m doing what I have to do.”

“Put the chairs on the stage,” the gunman instructed—motioning to the platform from which Stéphane had planned to give a charming speech at about this time. “Come on. Quickly.”

“Quickly really isn’t in my repertoire anymore,” Penny warned him. “And who are you again, dear? If we’re being kept hostage, I should really like to know why we’ve all been so unlucky.”

“Shut up,” was the only response she got.

“Manners cost nothing,” Penny muttered.

The gunman glared at her. Penny mimed pulling a zip across her mouth.

 

WHAT IS GOING ON? Penny asked herself. Was this a robbery gone wrong or something else?

Penny decided that if the masked men—though perhaps the smallest of the three was a woman—had been there simply to rob the auction house, they would have swiped the booty they were after and used their guns to clear a quick escape path, like the robbers who’d recently targeted the Chanel store on the Rue Cambon. They would have hoped not to have to involve any bystanders at all. They certainly wouldn’t have struck during a party, knowing there would be hundreds of people in attendance and security all over the place. So this was something different. Everything suggested an ideological motivation. Ideology was far more dangerous than greed. They weren’t taking jewels. They were taking hostages.

The gilt chairs were on the stage now. Archie settled Josephine in place then stepped down again to fetch Penny. The other hostages watched wide-eyed as Archie helped his great-aunt up the steps oh so carefully, as if they had all the time in the world.

The chief gunman barked his disapproval. “Come on!”

“We ’re moving as fast as we can,” said Penny, though the truth was, she could probably have moved a little faster. A lot faster. She wanted time to get the measure of the situation from a standing position. “Honestly, some people . . .”

As Archie helped Penny to her chair, he offered her some comforting thoughts.

“I don’t know what’s going on here, Auntie, but you’re not to worry. I’m sure this place is full of security cameras and the police must be fully aware of what’s happening and already be on their way. They’re probably outside right now, planning to rush in and end this nonsense at any moment.”

Archie was right that the auction house was full of security cameras, but as Penny looked for them—she thought she knew where all of them were—she wasn’t at all sure they were working. The ease with which the gunmen had entered the building perhaps even suggested an inside job, with the auction house’s security system disabled. She would have expected there to be a cacophony of alarms by now otherwise.

“Now get on the floor,” the chief gunman motioned for Archie to sit.

Flipping up the tails of his jacket so they didn’t get creased, Archie sat on the stage between his great-aunts’ feet, just as he’d done when he was small. Before he put his hands on his head, he gave them both the “thumbs up.” Then, correctly seated at last, he tapped out in Morse on his crown.

“Et well bi uk.”

He never could get the vowels right.

Up until that moment, Penny had remained quite sanguine, as her decades-old training allowed, but the sight of Archie’s bald patch—just like his father’s and his grandfather’s before that—as he mis-tapped his Morse was in danger of bringing a lump to her throat.

If only she’d just said, “Of course we should go” when he suggested they leave the party after Stéphane had introduced them to that lump of a fiancé. If only. But she’d had to get that cursed ring. Was the damn thing about to do its worst again?

With everyone seated, the hall was uncannily calm. The chattering was utterly silenced. The string quartet that had played so enthusiastically and determinedly over the chit-chat sat on the floor next to their chairs, with their instruments in their laps, and hands on their heads. Thus posed, the lead violinist was unable to stop her violin from slipping onto the parquet, where it landed with a strange clatter and twang. The chief gunman switched his attention to her, like a hawk spotting a mouse in long grass. But his gaze did not rest on her for long. He went back to sweeping the room in search of the real reason for this surreal interruption to one of the biggest social engagements of the year.

While his colleagues kept the hostages covered with their guns, the chief gunman set up a tripod. Then he took out his phone and took a panoramic shot of the room on video, before he settled the phone on the stand and began to talk directly into its camera lens.

“Good evening, Facebook. I’m not going to tell you my real name, but you may call me Angel, since I am here to bring retribution.”

A frisson went around the room. Retribution for what?

“I am a citizen of a state which has long since turned its back on democracy; where our esteemed leaders are nothing but robber barons. I am a fatherless child and a childless father. My family has been torn apart by quarrels that mean nothing to us, perpetrated on land that should have been used to feed our children, not to further enrich those who knew their loved ones would never have to stand on the front line.

“My apologies to you all,” he said to the auction house guests. “With the exception of you,” the masked man pointed his gun now at Dragomir Georgiev. “You know exactly who we are and why we’re here. To the rest of you, it is with great regret that I tell you this evening that because of this man and his associates back in my home country, some of you may die.”

There was an understandable murmur of distress.

The gunman addressed Georgiev directly. “Uncomfortable, isn’t it, to be on the wrong end of one of these? I believe this particular gun is one you supplied to the militia that stormed my village a couple of years ago.”

Georgiev looked hot and wretched in his Loro Piana dinner suit.

“Come up here, my old friend.”

Prodded in the back by another gunman, Georgiev got to his feet and reluctantly joined Archie and the sisters on the stage. “Tell these good people how you came to be among them? Tell them how you made your many, many millions? Don’t want to? I can understand why. Well, if you don’t want to talk, I’ll carry on.”

As Georgiev was forced to sit down on the stage next to the sisters, Angel looked into the camera of his phone again. “In exchange for the life of this man, and the rest of the innocent bystanders now trapped in this room, we require the release of the following political prisoners.”

He read out a list of names. At the end of the list, he told his audience, “We expect a response to our demands within half an hour and if that response doesn’t come, we will kill our first hostage. Every fifteen minutes after that, we’ll kill another one.”

“No!” someone shouted. “I have children.”

“So did I. Once upon a time.” Angel levelled his gun at the shouter.

The shouter looked down at the floor.

Angel turned back to his phone camera. “Now, we start the countdown to justice.” He glanced up at the clock on the auction house wall, as did everybody else.

“Kiip culm,” Archie tapped on his head in bad Morse.

 

AS IT WAS, Penny did feel quite calm again. Having heard Angel’s speech, she felt certain that he did not want this situation to end badly any more than his audience did. She remembered a long-ago lecture delivered by Frank during F Section training, about what to look for in recruiting partisans to a resistance cell. How to tell who would be a reliable colleague and who a dangerous hothead. She had a feeling that Angel was not the latter. Which wasn’t to say that they weren’t still in a difficult position. She wished she could send Archie a signal that reassured him, just as he was trying to reassure her. But he wouldn’t be able to see her tapping on her knee. Josephine could though. Penny tapped out “TG” for “toujours gai.” Josephine risked a little smile in her direction.

“Observe.” Penny heard Frank in her head.

There were instances when one needed to move quickly, on instinct, and instances when it was better to take the time to make a plan. Penny thought this was a situation for watching and waiting.

But while Penny was doing just that, down on the auction house floor, someone else decided to take action. Malcolm, Stéphane’s fiancé, suddenly scrambled to his feet and made a run for the door. He did not get far before he tripped over Dragomir Georgiev’s scantily-dressed girlfriend’s endless pins. As Malcolm was righting himself, the smallest of the gunmen was upon him. Malcolm flailed his arms and legs in what might have been taekwondo but looked like a total mess from where Penny was sitting. It was distracting but ineffectual. When the smallest gunman discharged a bullet into the ceiling, Malcolm dropped to the floor as though he ’d been hit. He hadn’t.

Malcolm got to his knees and put his hands together in prayer. “I can’t die!” he cried. “I can’t. I’m nothing to do with this.” He pointed at Georgiev. “I don’t even know who that man is. I’m just an actor. I come at everything in life from a place of truth and love.”

When Malcolm stood up again, Angel pointed his gun right at Malcolm’s head, causing the actor to pull one of the Brice-Petitjean assistants to her feet to use as a human shield. She squeaked in indignation.

“If you let me go,” Malcolm continued. “I can spread your message—whatever it is—in the outside world. I have fans, followers, millions of them. Just look at my Facebook page. I can be your mouthpiece. I’m playing a Resistance fighter in my latest film so I understand your struggle. Let me leave the building now and I will have a professional camera crew back here within the hour. I swear it. You can tell the whole world what your problem is then. My face will give you an international platform. You must know who I am?”

“I’m afraid I don’t,” Angel said, voice heavy with contempt. “Bring him up here.”

The young auction house assistant wriggled free of Malcolm’s unaffectionate embrace and the smaller gunman marched the actor up to the stage. “You might have won yourself a new role,” Angel told him. “As first man to die.”

Malcolm fell to his knees. “Nooo! I still have so much to give the world,” he wailed.

“The clock is ticking,” Angel addressed his phone. “Thirty minutes, or we begin to take reparations for Georgiev’s crimes. An eye for an eye. Starting with him . . .”

Malcolm sank onto his belly and beat his fists against the floor like a child having a tantrum. He railed against the gods and cried out for his mother. It was the most affecting performance he’d given in his twenty-year acting career. If only he were acting.

Penny wondered whether there was method in it. Was Malcolm distracting their captors before going for some kind of capoeira kick? Angel watched open-mouthed, as did everyone else. No daring martial arts move was forthcoming.

“Get up,” Angel told Malcolm. “I don’t want to have to shoot you in the back.”

“Noooo!” Malcolm rolled around like an upended beetle. “I can’t die. I’m at the height of my powers.”

“Ahem,” Archie cleared his throat to catch Angel’s attention. “What now?”

“Perhaps I could take Malcolm’s place?”

“No!” cried the sisters and a good half of the room.

“No,” said Angel. “No. Not you. I will spare this . . . this invertebrate.” Angel prodded Malcolm with his toe. “But I want his replacement to send a proper message about strength and bravery. So, worm, you can join the rest of our audience again, but only if you’re willing to swap your place with this little old lady.”

Angel swung his phone around and pointed the lens and his gun at Penny.

Malcolm could not get off the stage fast enough.

“Oh dear,” said Penny. “What a pickle.”

 

Chapter Thirty-Eight

1943

When Penny and Josephine spoke at history festivals up and down the UK, members of the audience would sometimes ask how they had lived through the war so unafraid. That was without even knowing what Penny’s war had really entailed. She would tell them in response, “I simply never for one moment thought that I was going to die.”

That wasn’t entirely true. There had been one moment when Penny very much did think she was going to die.

 

PARACHUTE TRAINING SPLIT the F Section recruits into two groups. Those who were excited about jumping from a plane and those who were quietly terrified. Penny was quietly terrified.

There were so many people one had to trust when it came to leaping from a plane. In the first place, you had to trust that the parachute had been properly made. Next you had to trust that the rigger who packed that parachute had not been having a bad day. You had to trust that the pilot of the plane that took you up would reach the right altitude over the right landing place. You had to trust that the person who had chosen the landing place knew what they were doing and wasn’t a double agent, waiting to hand you over to the Gestapo the moment you touched down. You had to trust that God would provide the right jumping conditions: a clear moonlit night with no crosswind. You had to trust that the parachute trainer had told you the right way to exit the hold. You had to trust that the dispatcher would pick the perfect moment to shout “Go.” Then you had to trust that your parachute would actually open.

Penny had never even been in a plane before her commando training with the SOE. Ahead of the first flight she ever took, from the south of England up to Arisaig, she stood trembling and silent as she waited for her turn to board. Though she understood something of the mechanics of flying, having read about it in one of her father’s library books, it was hard to believe that the physics would apply to this plane, the one she was about to go up in. It looked so heavy and that was before the candidates and all their kit were loaded on board. Penny desperately wanted to ask one of her fellow trainees to reassure her that planes just like this one made safe flights all the time, but that would only be construed as weakness, and weakness was not something for which she wanted to be known.

Jerome was sitting opposite her in the hold.

“Happy?” he asked her. “You’re looking awfully green.”

“It’s the uniform,” Penny snapped back. “Khaki really isn’t my colour.”

The laughter of the others, which told Penny she’d won the point, gave her enough of a boost to make it through take-off. Even Jerome had to smile.

All the same, she could not quite shake the thought that they might run out of oxygen as the plane climbed into the sky. And the landing was terrifying. She was convinced that the pilot would never be able bring the plane to a stop. Evidently, the landing was not as smooth as it might have been and she wasn’t the only one looking a little unwell as they filed off.

A month later, her paramilitary course complete, Penny was sent to Tatton Park near Manchester in preparation for her first parachute jump. Initial training took place in a hangar, from a tall tower built specially for the purpose, on which they could learn both how to exit a plane and land correctly. What nobody had told Penny was that jumping from that tower was, in many ways, harder than jumping from an actual plane. Once you were off the edge of the platform, it was a helluva rush to the ground. Penny would have volunteered for another round of having her head dunked in ice water in an instant if it meant she could avoid that leap.

And all the time Jerome seemed to be watching, waiting for her to make a mistake he could point out to the other candidates with glee.

“Get on with it, Bo Peep,” he shouted from the ground, as Penny perched above him on the edge of the platform’s trapdoor, the “Joe hole” as Jerome and his fellow Americans called it. Joe hole was slang for an outdoor toilet. Jerome’s goading made Penny angry enough to do it, to face that drop—much too short—and the sickening sensation of being jerked to a standstill in mid-air.

After that, the trainees were taken outdoors to the airstrip and loaded into an enormous wicker basket that was lifted into the air by a barrage balloon. The trainers remained on the ground, bellowing their instructions up into the sky through a megaphone. The basket was supposed to simulate the hold of a plane. When your number was called, you shuffled to the basket’s Joe hole, dropped your legs through and waited for go. When it was Penny’s turn, her trainer shouted, “Remember what your mother always said and keep your knees and feet together!”

Penny tipped him a sarcastic salute.

It seemed like an age between that “go” and the opening of Penny’s chute but she executed a textbook landing and made sure she was safely out of sight before covering her face with her hands to stave off a small panic attack.

Less than a week later, as the veteran of three real parachute jumps, Penny was ready for the all-important night jump. She got on board the Halifax that would take them up and took her seat without even pausing in her conversation with the next agent in training. She even found a moment to reapply her lipstick.

When the time came for her to jump, she took her place at the Joe hole and looked down at the darkened countryside flying by beneath them. Where once she had been too nervous to look out of a plane window, now she happily searched out landmarks as they whizzed by below. She was relieved that she had managed to get through that particular fear.

Earlier that day, the trainees had been talking about another female agent, who’d exited the plane clumsily and caught her head on the edge of the hatch on her way out. They called it “ringing the bell,” misjudging your exit from the plane like that. The agent (whom Penny would come to know of years later as Violette Szabo) was lucky that the damage she sustained was superficial. She still went on to undertake her mission. Now for some reason, she popped into Penny’s head just as she moved forward to take her own jump.

Penny had already made three perfect jumps from a bomber. Each one she’d enjoyed more than the last. Now she made her fourth jump, and this time she was the clapper . . .

For a second Penny thought she had been shot in the side of the head. As her parachute unfurled like a beautiful chrysanthemum above her head, she gazed up at the billowing silk, lit by the moon, in a daze. When the parachute was fully filled, it jerked her briefly upwards, then she continued a more stately fall. She was unconscious by the time she hit the earth.

It wasn’t such a bad thing, landing in a faint. Penny did not resist the ground as she made contact. Instead, she crumpled gracefully and probably hurt herself far less badly than she might have done had she been awake and panicking.

The drop zone team were there the moment she touched down, quickly getting her free of the parachute and rolling her onto her back, checking she was breathing and assessing her for damage.

“Get the stretcher,” she heard someone say.

“What happened?” someone else asked.

“She rang the fucking bell,” said Jerome.

“Fuck, what a mess.”

Penny thought she recognised that voice. Was it Frank? Opening her eyes, she strained to reach a hand towards his face.

“Frank,” she said. “I love you, Frank. Do you love me?”

“Frank?” mused Jerome.

“She’s concussed,” the parachute trainer said.

 

A WEEK IN sick bay later, Penny was declared fit for her own first mission in France.

She was going in with two other agents. The disappointment she’d felt when she discovered that Jerome was one of them seemed to be mutual. Dropping into France with them was an agent going by the alias of Remi. He’d grown up in Normandy. Penny was glad, hoping that his genuine Frenchness might offset Jerome’s tendency to swear loudly in American English whenever something didn’t go his way.

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The night before the drop, they had something of a Last Supper at the country house—not for nothing was the SOE nicknamed “Stately ’Omes of England”—where they were taken through final preparations for the mission.

Jerome held his hand out towards Penny as they filed into the dining room. “Hostilities suspended ’til all this is over?”

Penny nodded.

“I’m glad to be going in with you,” he said then. “I know you and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, Bo Peep, but I do trust you. I think you know what you’re doing.”

“I hope you do,” she replied.

That evening, Penny saw a different side to Jerome. They’d all changed over the past few weeks. Aged wasn’t quite the word for it. Matured, perhaps. In Jerome’s case, gone was the preening braggard who seemed to devote all his energy to tormenting her. She could see in this new version of Jerome—quiet and contemplative—what the F Section recruitment team must have seen in him: a good soldier, thoughtful and serious, someone who was devoted to the cause.

At the end of dinner, she and Jerome toasted each other.

“I’ll make sure you get back in one piece,” Jerome said.

“I’ll make sure you get back in one piece,” Penny echoed.

 

A FANY OFFICER was assigned to keep Penny company during her last evening in England. She had Penny write letters to her loved ones that would be sent at regular intervals while she was overseas and another set to be sent in the event of her demise. She’d already had to write a will but she wrote to her mother, Please take some money out of my post office account to buy Mrs. Glover a new handbag and Sheppy a bone. George can have the rest, though not to spend on sweets.

She wrote to Josephine.

Dear Josie-Jo, If you get this, then I’ve had it. I have left this mortal coil. I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. Bloody war.

Josie-Jo, you have been the very best of sisters. Even when you went through that phase of pinching me whenever Ma and Pa weren’t looking. I will miss you. If it’s possible to miss someone from the other side. Look after our parents and our little brother too. I’m sure I’ll see you somewhere at some point; perhaps even in heaven if you’re good! In the meantime, keep sticking it to Adolf and ensure you remain toujours gai.

She handed the letter over then asked for it back, to add a PS.

PS. I really do love you.

Everything about Penny’s deployment had been thought of, down to the very last detail. She was given a set of clothes, old clothes, sourced in France, that she would wear instead of her FANY uniform. She wasn’t even allowed to wear her own underwear, lest she find herself being searched by a Gestapo officer who recognised English knickers.

Every possible thing by which she might be identified as British had to be left behind. Her most treasured family photograph, which she had thought looked neutral enough, was confiscated straight away.

“The house you’re posing in front of is very obviously not in France.”

Even her Yardley lipstick had to go. She was given a new one—a French brand—and was delighted to discover it suited her far better than the one she had to give up.

As the hour of take-off approached, the FANY officer, who said Penny should feel free to call her Betty, despite her superior rank, seemed much more upset about the looming departure than Penny was.

“I will be coming back,” Penny assured her. “It’s not my time to die.” All the same, at the airfield, Penny was offered the legendary tin, containing sleeping tablets, amphetamines, and a single capsule of cyanide— the “L” pill. “L” for “lethal.”

Vera Atkins—whom Penny had first met at those meetings in Baker Street where everyone remained anonymous—turned up to see her off.

She briefly held Penny’s hands.

“I wish I could be coming with you,” she said. It didn’t feel like a platitude. “How are you, Agent Bruna?”

“I’m excited,” said Penny.

“Not too excited, I hope. Keep your head.” Vera tugged the zip on Penny’s camouflage flight suit—the “striptease” suit that had to be buried on landing—fully closed, and gave her a last affectionate pat on the shoulder.

During the practice sessions, there was always a bit of banter, but on this flight the hold of the Halifax was silent. Penny kept her eyes closed, until her brain decided that now would be a good time to rerun the film of her last jump, of ringing the bell. Instead of watching that movie on the back of her eyelids, she looked up and examined her fellow agents in the gloom. She had never seen Jerome so still or so serious before. She studied his profile and wondered what he was thinking about. Who had he left behind? A sweetheart? A wife? A child? She had no idea. Would they ever share their true stories with one another? Their real names? Would they have a drink and a laugh, when the Nazis were defeated and they were on their way back home? Would they ever come back home?

Toujours gai,” Penny muttered to herself, as for just a moment her mind wandered to the unthinkable notion that she might never see her sister or brother again.

When the pilot announced that they would soon be over the drop zone, Jerome caught her eye and chanced a small thumbs-up. They performed the last pre-jump checks on their equipment: straps were tightened, buckles tested, prayers were muttered. Down below, the Resistance cell they would be joining had marked out the drop zone with just enough torch-light to guide them in without attracting the wrong sort of attention. The order of jumping had already been decided. Remi first, then Penny, then Jerome.

“Action station number one,” said the dispatcher.

Remi advanced to the Joe hole and balanced there in the ready position, waiting for the green light.

“Go.”

Remi exited into the ether as if he were just jumping into a pool.

“Action station number two.”

Penny shuffled forward next. She looked down but could focus on nothing. Her head swam. She looked to the dispatcher. He was checking to be sure Remi was well clear of the plane. Satisfied that he was, the dispatcher gave the command.

“Go.”

Penny didn’t go.

“GO!” the dispatcher shouted, in case she hadn’t got the signal over the noise of the propellers.

But Penny couldn’t do it

“No,” she suddenly turned round, fell to her hands and knees and scrabbled away from the hatch. “No, I can’t.”

“Bo Peep,” Jerome said. “What the hell? Come on.”

“I can’t. I can’t. I can’t.”

Her heart hammered. She pressed herself against the wall of the fuselage, as far from the hatch as she could get.

“We’ve got seconds,” Jerome told her. “Come on. You’re next. We need you. I need you. You’re our radio girl.”

But Penny had missed her chance and now the timing was all messed up. The pilot took the Halifax back around to line up with the drop zone again. Every extra moment they were in the sky was an extra moment for the Germans to spot them and bring them down.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.” Penny muttered the words over and over, with her hands over her ears.

“If you say you can’t, of course you fucking won’t be able to. Someone push her out there,” Jerome exploded.

“No. She’ll screw up,” was the dispatcher’s opinion.

“Bo Peep.” Jerome took her hands and looked deep into her eyes. “Come on. You’re the maddest bitch I ever met. You’re not scared of anything. You can do this.”

But something had snapped inside her and she couldn’t stop the tears. “I can’t do it. I can’t. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

There was no time to argue.

“No one’s going to make you,” said Jerome.

The plane was back over the landing zone.

“Action station number three,” said the dispatcher.

“I’ve gotta go,” Jerome told her. “See you soon.”

“Go.”

Jerome jumped. Once Jerome’s parachute was safely opened, the dispatcher closed the hatch after him. In silence, he helped Penny out of her parachute harness, as the pilot turned the Halifax back towards the Channel and home.

IF THE GROUND crew were disappointed or angry to see that Penny had not been successfully deployed over France, they didn’t show it. They were consummate professionals, leaving the uncomfortable debriefing to the shadowy powers that be. The day after her unexpected return to base, Penny was called in to see a senior officer she had not previously met. He listened patiently to Penny’s version of events.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about ringing the bell. I just had this feeling I would do it again and be dead before I landed.”

The officer nodded. “I understand.”

“But I’m not afraid of being there, on the ground. I know I could still do everything expected of me if there were just some other way of getting me to France. It’s only the jump. You’ve sent some of the other agents in on Lysanders, haven’t you? Or by boat via the south. I could go in like that. I wouldn’t be scared once I was there, I swear it. You know I’ve been an exemplary student. It was only about the jump.”

The officer made notes and promised Penny that everything would be taken into account when her former trainers met to decide where Penny would end up next.

 

Chapter Thirty-Nine 

Where Penny ended up next was back in Scotland, on a period of gardening leave in the “cooler” at Inverlair, just long enough for everything she had been told about her abortive mission and her colleagues at F Section to become irrelevant.

Once she had sat out her gardening leave—all the while pretending in her letters to her mother and to Josephine that she was still doing secretarial work at the commando school—Penny was allowed to spend a weekend at home. It was the first time she’d been back to the house in almost two years. It seemed quite different from the last time she’d seen it. Smaller. Shabbier. There was no gardener anymore—all the village men between the ages of eighteen and forty-five were away at the war.

George had grown gangly and his voice was deep. He was full of stories about the brave men parachuting in behind enemy lines to support partisans all over Europe. The temptation to correct his wild fantasies about those agents was hard. He didn’t even know that women were being trained for the same work. Would he have believed it? Penny longed to tell him but she had promised that she would never share what happened on the night she was supposed to parachute into France, or during the months before at the big country houses where she had trained in Morse, unarmed combat, and burglary. Even George, her own little brother, who was a patriot to his bones, might inadvertently let something slip that would endanger the people with whom she had trained.

In truth, Penny was too ashamed to want to tell anyone what a waste of time and resources her training had been. Night after night she relived the moment she failed to jump: Jerome’s disbelief and the desperation in his voice as he tried to persuade her to join him. The long flight back across the Channel with only the dispatcher for company in the hold. The quiet confusion in the eyes of the ground crew as she stepped off the plane at the base she had left only hours before with a hero’s send-off. She promised herself that if she was given another chance, she would not let them down again. But she was not given another chance. Her days as an F Section agent were over. No one would ever carve her name with pride. It was a humiliation from which she thought she would never recover.

Though when it was first suggested that she go back to the FANY rank and file Penny had smarted at the idea, she did know that she still wanted to be part of the war effort. She could still be useful, especially with her telegraphy training. Reporting back to FANY HQ, she was invited to apply for a posting overseas. Not in France or any of the occupied nations, of course, but the location of the job she applied for was still top secret.

At the beginning of February 1944, she joined a group of FANYs in Liverpool for a mystery voyage. Though they were, for the most part, older than she, they somehow seemed much younger. Their chatter didn’t interest Penny at all. None of them knew where they were going, though they were definitely going somewhere warm. They’d been handed new uniforms—tropical uniforms—when they mustered at the dock.

They sailed in a convoy of troop ships, protected by a small fleet of Royal Navy destroyers to ward off attackers. There was a moment when a rumour went around the ship that the convoy was being tailed by a wolf pack of U-boats. When the FANYs gathered on deck for a lifeboat drill, the atmosphere was solemn. One of the FANY officers had known a Wren who’d gone down with the Empress of Canada in March 1943. The stories that had come out of that sinking were in every FANY’s mind as they leaned against the rail on the top deck and looked out over the implacable sea.

The U-boats were deterred and Penny’s ship made it safely to her destination, with no calamity bigger than the tuck shop having run out of her favourite kind of chocolate en route.

Penny was to be stationed in Algiers. She fell in love with the North African city the moment they docked there. As she felt the warm breeze on her face, she knew she had come a very long way from home in more ways than one. It was as though she had lived three lifetimes in the last three years.

From time to time—well, every day really—she wondered about her F Section colleagues. Who had been parachuted in as her replacement in Jerome and Remi’s cell? What was Frank doing? Did he think of her? Did he even know that she’d been sent to North Africa? He must do. Every now and then she recited “Invictus” to herself, as if that could bring him back, feeling sure that their story could not end here.

In fact, it ended in a hotel in Germany, more than twenty years later.

 

IT WAS 1965 and Penny and Frank were preparing to steal a diamond “as big as The Ritz.”

As they lay in bed smoking, having gone over the plan for the day ahead, Penny asked the question that she’d swallowed down for twenty years.

“What really happened in ’43, Frank? Who was it who made the call not to send me back into the field?”

In the pale light of dawn, Frank was unguarded. He ran his fingers along her bare arm as he told her, “It was me.”

“What?”

“It was me.”

“Frank? No.” Penny propped herself up on her elbow and stared down at him.

“Don’t look at me like that, Penny. The others wanted to send you back in—God knows we needed all the trained agents we could get—but I told them you weren’t ready, that ringing the bell had changed you.”

“Why? Why would you do that?”

Frank took a long pull on his cigarette and blew the smoke back out in a plume that looked like a ghost leaving his body.

“I did it because I loved you.”

It was the first time he had had ever mentioned loving her.

“Because you loved me?”

“Love you.”

“But I wanted to serve my country. To serve France.”

“Come on, Penny. It was suicide mission.”

“I was prepared for that.”

“No you weren’t. You were lucky to get out of it. The cell you were supposed to join was already compromised. Do you know what happened to Jerome and Remi? They were rounded up two days after they landed. Do you know how they died? They died like dogs. You would have died the same way. And for what?”

“It was my choice to take that risk.”

“You were nineteen years old. You didn’t know what you were doing.”

“I was old enough to fuck.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

Penny got out of bed and began to gather the clothes she had thrown aside with such abandon the night before.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m leaving,” she said.

“Penny . . . Come on. I’m just telling you the truth. I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to be a hero but what does it matter now?”

“It matters because I’ve spent the last twenty years thinking I wasn’t good enough. Do you have any idea how the shame of not jumping that day has eaten away at me? Of course you don’t.”

“Plenty of people refused to jump. People much bigger and uglier than you were.”

“But they were sent into France by other means. They weren’t left to feel like failures. Like cowards.”

“Anyone who ever met you knew you weren’t a coward. If anything, you were too fucking brave.”

“Stop. I can’t even look at you. You betrayed me.”

“I didn’t betray you. I gave you the chance to have a life. The war wasted so many lives. I didn’t want it to have yours as well. You’re kidding yourself if you think your dying too would have made the slightest bit of difference.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know what I might have been able to do. Who I might have been able to save.”

Frank’s expression was downcast. He gave a small nod and admitted, “That’s true.”

“But you didn’t trust in me enough to let me go.”

“You were a child,” Frank said again, more forcefully this time. “And I’d had enough of sending children off to war. You were high on hope and patriotic fervour and ready to lay down your life for what? Yes, the Nazis had to be defeated but what’s really changed since then? All that blood and terror didn’t buy us peace and love. So long as there’s money to be made, there will always be war. Old men talking, young men dying. Always.”

Holding her blouse to her breast, Penny seemed for a moment to be in agreement with him, but then she shook her head and carried on dressing.

“You robbed me of the chance to do the right thing.”

“But you lived and you came back to me and ever since you’ve been doing the right thing, helping people in your own way.”

“Don’t patronise me. I never want to see you again.”

“Penny, stop. How does this change what we’ve had for the past fifteen years?”

“What have we had for the past fifteen years, Frank? You’ve had a wife and a family, and adventures and sex with me whenever you could find the time. I’ve had . . .” Penny shrugged. “Whatever it is, I don’t need it anymore. I don’t need you.”

“You’re overreacting. Let’s talk about this later. After we’ve done the job.”

“I’m not doing the job. Not today. You can do it yourself. I’m flying home.”

“Penny, don’t do this.”

She stood at the door, eyes burning with fury.

“I wanted to keep you out of trouble,” Frank said. “I saved you.”

“Saved me for what?”

 

TRUE TO HER word, Penny refused to speak to Frank again, though he tried his best to persuade her to forgive him. He even asked Jinx to act as go-between.

Jinx thought the sun shone out of Frank’s arse. Had done ever since she first met him, when Penny’s “family money” story unravelled and she’d had to bring Jinx in on the act. Jinx was an excellent apprentice for a jewel thief. With her sweet face, she could have walked out of the Tower of London carrying the Koh-i-Noor.

“If you don’t want to work with Frank, I will,” Jinx announced.

After that, the two women didn’t talk either. But it was Jinx who broke the news about Frank’s death to Penny in the summer of 1966. He died the same week Connor did—shot in the chest by an East End gangster in a deal gone horribly wrong. By coincidence, Jinx was in the South of France when she got the call. She tracked Penny down via Josephine and came to the hotel. When Josephine arrived shortly afterwards, of course she thought Penny’s desperate tears were for Connor. She could not be consoled.

Josephine had to care for Penny for weeks after they got back to England. She was surprised at the depth of Penny’s grief. She’d not sensed such a depth of love when Penny and Connor took their vows.

Josephine did not know that Penny really had lost the love of her life, and all she had left of him was a metal matchbox engraved with a verse from “Invictus.” Jinx passed it on, after one of Frank’s colleagues gave it to her at the funeral Penny could not attend.

Nothing but a matchbox. However years later Penny realised that, on that morning in Germany, Frank had also unwittingly handed her back her courage. Knowing that her commanding officers at F Section thought she could have gone back into the field, were it not for Frank’s sentimental veto, Penny knew she could face anything. So when Angel levelled the barrel of his gun at Penny in that auction house, she felt an old calm descend. He had picked on the wrong old lady.

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Illustration by Agata Nowicka

 

Chapter Forty

Paris, 2022

Perhaps it was the cocktails and the sneaky tot of rum, but by the end of dinner, Davina Mackenzie seemed to have mellowed.

“Arlene,” she said. “I am really very grateful to you for being here to help me tonight. I’m sure you had better things to do.”

“Not at all,” Arlene lied. “I’m glad I was here to take over from Hazel.”

“Yes, well. I will have to call the agency and tell them next time they should send someone sturdier. Someone like you.”

Arlene wasn’t sure that was entirely a compliment but she decided to accept it as one. In any case, it was a beautiful evening to be gently wheeling two World War Two veterans through the streets of Paris. The four women paused on a bridge to watch the Eiffel Tower glittering on the hour. Sister Eugenia asked a passer-by to take a photograph for the convent’s online newsletter.

“I do hope the Williamson sisters have been having as much fun this evening as we are. I find it hard to believe that anyone could have had a better time than we four,” she said, as she scrolled through the shots the passer-by had taken and deleted the ones in which her eyes were half-closed. “I look half-cut,” she complained.

“Well, you are, dear,” said Sister Margaret Ann kindly.

When they arrived at Le Grande Bretagne, the hotel where Davina and Sister Eugenia were staying, Arlene went to the front desk to fetch the keys to their rooms. This hotel was not like The Maritime, where liveried staff attended to your desires before you even knew you had them. The receptionist at Le Grande Bretagne was glued to the huge television that hung on the wall opposite his desk. It was showing a news channel. When he didn’t seem to notice Arlene standing there in front of him, her eyes were drawn upwards, wondering what was so compelling. She had little French apart from menu items and swear words and thus the words that the presenter spoke in rapid fire, which also scrolled along the bottom of the screen, didn’t make much sense to her. The pictures however . . .

“Is that the auction house? Brice-Petitjean?” she asked the receptionist. The receptionist nodded. He said something in French.

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand. Je ne peux pas parler Français. Has something happened?”

The receptionist typed a word into his phone and showed Arlene the translation.

“There’s a siege?”

 

IT WAS ALMOST ten o’clock. Archie and the sisters would have been back at The Maritime hours ago, surely? Archie had texted Arlene at around quarter to eight, telling her that he didn’t think they would be staying out long after all. The party wasn’t as exciting as he’d hoped. “Post-mortem later,” he’d promised.

The television screen focussed on the face of a young man, who was evidently reading out a list of demands which he’d broadcast via Facebook Live. Arlene called Archie as she watched, wanting reassurance that he and the sisters were nowhere near the situation unfolding on the news. Archie didn’t pick up the call.

That didn’t necessarily mean he was in trouble. Perhaps he had gone to bed. Or was in the hotel bar in conversation with someone interesting. She knew that Archie would very rarely pick up the phone if he was in company. He had the most impeccable manners.

Sister Eugenia and Sister Margaret Ann were alongside Arlene now. Sister Margaret Ann translated the words on the screen for the older nun.

“They’re demanding the release of political prisoners in exchange for the life of an . . . an arms dealer, I think. If they haven’t had a response from their government within the next half hour, they’re going to start to shoot hostages. Beginning with . . .”

The young man shifted focus from his own face to the hostages. The first to fill the screen was a man dressed in a very strange outfit indeed. As he realised his predicament, the man rolled on the floor as though he’d already been shot.

“Who is that?” the women wondered.

Then all of a sudden Archie faced the camera.

“He volunteered to die in that other man’s place,” Sister Margaret Ann explained. “But the gunman has refused his offer and said the first man can only swap with . . . oh my goodness me!”

“Penny!” Arlene shrieked, as her employer’s face smiled out from the television. “They’re going to kill Penny! Aaaaaghhhh! Aaaaaghhh! Aaaaaaaggghhh!”

 

“CALM DOWN,” DAVINA Mackenzie instructed.

When Arlene didn’t immediately calm down, Davina blew her whistle. The familiar noise cut straight through Arlene’s panic, stopping her wailing mid-flow.

Davina sharply tugged on Arlene’s sleeve to pull the younger woman down to the level of her wheelchair.

“What?”

“You must calm down,” said Davina.

“How can I?” Arlene asked.

“You have to. There is absolutely no point in losing your head. It isn’t going to help anybody.”

“But I don’t know what to do. What can we do? Penny and Josephine are being held hostage. And Archie! Oh my god, Archie. What’s happening over there? Why aren’t the police storming in?”

“Because they understand the possible dangers. First rule of everything,” said Davina. “Assess before you act. We do not yet know if armed intervention is necessary.”

“We? What are you talking about? That man has a gun.”

“Ah. But does he intend to use it?”

“He just said he did.”

“No point waving one around if you don’t. Arlene, when I was in the plotting room in Liverpool, marking down radar signals from my brother’s destroyer, which was being tailed by a U-boat wolf pack across the Atlantic, do you think I lost my head like you are now?”

“I don’t imagine so.”

“Exactly. And I made sure that none of my team lost their heads either. Stand up straight, woman. Big girl pants on.”

“Do they say that in the navy?”

“I believe I learned that phrase from you.”

“But how can I pull my pants up when Penny is in danger of being shot?”

“Whether you decide to pull your pants up or not, I need you to stop being so distracting. This situation requires concentration.”

“But what can we do?”

Davinia got out her whistle again and blew the signal Arlene recognised as the “shut up and sit down.” It wasn’t an official naval signal, but it was effective. Arlene slumped into a plastic chair.

Sister Eugenia was also watching the screen closely. She nodded to herself, then mimed her need for a notepad and pen to the hotel receptionist. He handed one over.

As Sister Eugenia started jotting things down in what looked like shorthand to Arlene, she explained to the others, “Earlier today, when we were at the ceremony, I noticed that Penny and Josephine seemed to be doing a lot of fidgeting. I mean, more so than you would expect even if someone had Parkinson’s. I realised it wasn’t random. They were making dits and dahs.”

“Making whats?” said Davina, adjusting her hearing aid.

“Dits and dahs. Morse, Davina. Morse. They were talking to one another in Morse code.”

“They do that!” Arlene confirmed.

“Well, this morning they were talking about me. They called me . . .” She took a deep breath and blushed. “They referred to me as the Prinz Eugen.”

Davina understood the insult at once. “How dare they?”

“Oh, I’m sure they didn’t mean any harm. Eugen does sound a bit like Eugenia, after all. But what I’m trying to say is, I bet Penny and Josephine will be signalling to each other in Morse right now. If only that silly young man would stop talking and show the sisters again, we might be able to pick up something useful.”

The camera panned around and landed on the two old ladies on the stage. Sister Eugenia focussed on Josephine.

“There we go,” said Sister Eugenia. “Josephine just tapped out, ‘guns— three?’ I’m sure of it. She’s asking Penny how many gunmen there are in the room.”

“See. She’s assessing the situation. Once a Wren, always a Wren,” said Davina proudly.

“Penny tapped back ‘three. Kitchen.’ Hmm. I wonder . . . I think perhaps she’s looking for exit routes.”

“Arlene, move my chair closer to the television,” Davina commanded. “Sister Margaret Ann, have that young man on the desk summon a policeman to the hotel at once. We need to pass this information on. It could be valuable.”

“I don’t know if they’ll send someone here . . .”

Davina held up a finger to silence the young nun. “As the granddaughter of an admiral, I am not used to being ignored. And as a former third officer, I am taking charge.”

“Ahem,” Sister Eugenia coughed. “I was also a third officer by the time I left the Wrens, you know.”

“Oh.” Davina looked crestfallen. “Then . . .”

“But I’m sure you would have eventually outranked me had the war continued a moment longer,” Sister Eugenia added kindly. “I’m happy to be under your command, former Third Officer Mackenzie.”

“Good. Sister Margaret Ann, please translate the following for this chap . . .”

The receptionist did call the police but could not seem to make the operator at the end of the line understand the situation. Possibly because, as Sister Margaret Ann did not translate word for word, he said, “There’s a mad old English lady in my reception shouting about the hostages at the auction house. Possibly needs locking up.”

“If the mountain will not come to Mackenzie . . .” said Davina, when she heard the disappointing news that no police officer would be dispatched to Le Grande Bretagne that night. “Arlene, Sister Margaret Ann, to your places, please. We ’re going to the auction house.”

 

Chapter Forty-One

Davina and Sister Eugenia were right. Between them the Williamson sisters were trying to assess the situation. Two ancient veterans versus three youthful gunmen. The odds were not on their side. But when youthful exuberance was weighed against experience perhaps the odds shifted somewhat. The gunmen had been more than a little exuberant since they arrived, firing shots off into the ceiling with abandon, wasting bullets. How many were left?

Penny tapped out, “No killer,” with regard to the smallest of the three, who seemed jumpy—they flinched every time they fired their gun. Not that that wasn’t dangerous in itself.

Regarding number two, “Big but slow.”

Josephine tapped back, “Others? Guns? Three?”

“Three total,” Penny was pretty sure of that.

It was time to form a plan. The gunmen had obviously scoped out the venue before tonight but this was a big room for the three of them to hold and Penny knew from her own research that there were angles they hadn’t considered. They seemed to have overlooked the door through which the waiting staff had been bringing canapés all evening. Unless they had someone stationed on the other side. That was a possibility. But if they didn’t, Penny tried to recall the old floor plan.

Angel was pacing up and down the stage as he talked into his phone. He was so focussed on getting his message across, he wasn’t paying any attention to the people behind him.

“You trip him,” Penny told Josephine. “I get gun.”

It was a basic but solid strategy. Angel definitely wouldn’t be expecting it. However he never seemed to get quite close enough to be in danger of Josephine’s little feet, which only just reached the floor as she sat on her gilt chair.

“Can’t reach,” Josephine tapped as the gunman evaded her size four feet again.

Penny couldn’t reach either. Her legs were even shorter than her sister’s.

She needed another strategy.

“In ten minutes’ time,” Angel was saying, “the bloodshed begins.”

Begins with me, thought Penny.

Archie craned his neck to see her, then tapped out a Morse message on his head.

“Dan’t warry. Wan’t lit huppin.”

Penny wasn’t about to let it happen either.

As the clock ticked down, another idea began to form. Perhaps she could use the fact that she was first in line to her advantage. Angel would want to milk the drama of the moment for his viewers, whoever they were. She would get him to stoop down in front of her on the pretence of letting her send a last message to the world—it wasn’t too much to ask to be able to say a final goodbye before he killed her, was it? Once he was within range, she would strike. She would use her lucky matchbox, hidden in her fist, to smash him in the side of the face. He’d never see it coming and it could work. The odds, according to Fairbairn, were two to one that The Matchbox Attack knocked your opponent out. She just had to be fast and hit him in the right spot. She could be fast one more time if she had to.

Angel had paused mid-stage to deliver another message to the government that had yet to make a response. “. . . your immoral trade has robbed children of their families and their futures. This is your chance to make amends or see more bloodshed in your name. This woman’s had a long life,” he said, gesturing towards Penny. “But I am ready to end it to make you take notice.”

“Cheers,” Penny said, through gritted teeth.

The sad thing was, Penny was sympathetic to Angel’s cause. Who wouldn’t be? Who wouldn’t object to a small cadre of people making a fortune by beggaring their nation or sponsoring distant wars? Frank was right. As long as there was money to be made, there would always be conflict. It was easy to feel as if it didn’t matter, when it wasn’t happening on your doorstep and you watched it from far away. It was easy to turn a blind eye when the dirty money washed up in your auction house, or your art gallery. It was clever of Angel to have chosen this place to make his point.

In Angel, Penny almost thought she saw a kindred spirit, wanting to right injustice and restore the balance. Except that he was not prepared to do it quietly. Penny had tried to change the world one precious gem at a time, redistributing wealth in her own way. Angel was . . . Well, Jinx would have said that Angel was being honest. He was prepared to die for change. That must be a risk. Where were the police? When they turned up, they’d surely turn up prepared for a gun fight, ready to fire before they were fired upon. It struck Penny that if she could disarm Angel before they arrived, she might save his life too.

 

Chapter Forty-Two

When Former Third Officer Davina Mackenzie issued the call to action, Arlene and Sister Margaret Ann jumped. They would go to the auction house. But there were no taxis to be seen on the street outside Le Grande Bretagne. Neither did Arlene’s Uber app offer any hope of a minicab before midnight. There was nothing to be done except push the two older ladies to the nearest taxi rank, with Sister Eugenia doing her best to follow the siege for any more Morse messages on Arlene’s iPhone.

Despite his doubts to their sanity, the hotel receptionist was persuaded to join the four women (a crisp fifty euro note helped), working in a sort of relay with Arlene and Sister Margaret Ann, as they navigated the narrow streets with all the deeply frustrating bollards that may have prevented people from parking on the pavement but also made it hellishly hard for wheelchair users to use the pavements too.

Arlene, Sister Margaret Ann, and Eric, as the receptionist was called, did their very best but by the time they reached the Pont de La Concorde, all three of them were about ready to collapse. They needed a lift but the ranks were empty and every taxi that passed was already occupied. The one taxi driver that did have his light on swiftly turned it off again when he realised what a complicated pick-up stopping might involve. That’s when Davina had Arlene push her halfway across a crossing to face down a double-decker bus that had been converted to a moving restaurant.

“They’ll mow us down,” Arlene suggested.

“They would not dare!” said Davina, holding one arm aloft as she blew hard on her bosun’s whistle.

It worked. The bus stopped. Davina sent Sister Margaret Ann on board to explain the emergency.

“Might save some lives,” the young nun finished her speech.

The driver was reluctant to change her route but the hen party from Dublin, who had rented the bus for the evening, insisted on bringing the veterans and their wheelchairs on board.

Once safely on the coach, Davina blew her whistle to focus everyone’s attention. “We are on a very important mission,” she told the hens, with Sister Margaret Ann and Eric translating. “And we need you all to be absolutely silent until we reach our destination. Third Officer Sister Eugenia is taking down vital comms.”

Sister Eugenia waved Arlene’s iPhone in the air.

Fascinated by their new commanding officer and her second, the hens obliged.

And so the curious party headed onwards to Brice-Petitjean, with Sister Eugenia watching for Morse signals whenever Penny and Josephine were on screen and Sister Margaret Ann taking down notes, while Arlene and Davina looked on anxiously and Eric gratefully accepted a glass of Crémant from their hosts.

The hens behaved in exemplary fashion, refraining from singing or shouting. Even holding off on their drinks, in case Davina needed them to form some sort of scratch commando unit when they reached their destination. It wasn’t long before they were ready to follow the centenarian into any battle.

The police were already outside the auction house and of course the coach was not allowed to even turn into the street where the action was unfolding. Remaining on board, Davina commanded that Arlene, Eric, and Sister Margaret Ann bring a police officer onto the coach to hear their suit. Two officers took up the challenge. They were young-looking. Low-ranking.

“I don’t think you understand,” Davina said in loud English. “We need to speak to your superiors. We have vital information relating to the siege in the auction house.”

Sister Margaret Ann translated apologetically.

“The older ladies are speaking in Morse,” Davina said. “Giving the movements of the captors in the room and transmitting details of their blind spots. And they’re outlining a plan. You would do well to take it into consideration when forming a plan of your own. I assume you are forming a plan.”

The police officers remained unconvinced.

“Give them the details, Honorary Cadet Margaret Ann.”

Sister Margaret Ann translated Sister Eugenia’s notes. “Josephine was supposed to trip the main gunman over but she couldn’t reach. Neither could Penny. Short legs. Now Penny is going to try to get him to crouch down next to her and knock him out with a matchbox . . . Sister Eugenia, that can’t be right. A matchbox?”

“My Morse is rusty,” said Sister Eugenia. “But that is exactly what Penny Williamson coded.”

“And it can be done!” Arlene interrupted. “You can use an old-fashioned metal matchbox as a deadly weapon. Archie showed me how you do it in some old book he had and I know Penny has one of those matchboxes!”

“What else?” asked Davina.

“Once Penny has taken the main man down with the matchbox, Josephine is to kick the gun to Archie—that’s their nephew. He should cover gunman two. Gunman three is not a big threat. No ammo left after firing at the ceiling.”

The more senior of the two fairly junior police officers sat down beside Sister Eugenia. “And what are they saying now?”

“Penny is telling Josephine what to do if it goes wrong. If she dies.”

“Which is?”

“She is saying . . .” Sister Eugenia watched Penny tap out a long sequence. She started to speak but then hesitated. “I think she’s just saying she’s not going to die. Not tonight.”

“Such bravery,” said Davina Mackenzie, thumping her fist against her heart. “It’s hard to believe that Penny Williamson wasn’t a Wren. Now, if one of you officers could get me a floor-plan of the auction house, I could mark out the current enemy position in the field so that you can send your team in the most efficient fashion.”

“I think we’d better take these ladies down to the control centre,” said the junior officer. “Let them watch the CCTV feed.”

The hen party cheered them on their way.

 

From THE EXCITEMENTS by CJ Wray. Copyright © 2024 by C J Wray. Reprinted by permission of William Morrow, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers.

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