Lessons From Military Caregivers Amid Coronavirus

Comeau points out that military caregivers are already accustomed to managing multiple crises at once, staying stocked with supplies and finding numerous ways to distract the kids in times of peace and crisis.

In short, the mindset and lifestyle of someone who has recovered or is living with a serious combat wound are that of someone already living “a scaled-down life,” Comeau says. “And it's a sacrifice for everyone in the family. But you add to that the fact that schools are being canceled and it's one more challenge."

And then, as for caregivers everywhere, the threat is heightened for those requiring home health care aids or therapists. These families are struggling with hard decisions about whom to let inside their home and how to trust that people from outside their family are being equally cautious.

Many caregivers for vets have created rooms in their home to quarantine loved ones, due to constant worries about infected IV lines and the threat of airborne transmission. This is particularly hard for those with younger children and older relatives. Wounded veterans who served in Iraq and Afghanistan are part of the sandwich generation, being cared for by a spouse while at home with younger children, or perhaps living in their childhood home with an aging parent who is more vulnerable to infection.

Roxana Delgado, an epidemiologist in San Antonio and caregiver for her combat-wounded husband, Victor, describes the strain of being told that they should not come into the hospital or doctor's office until May, in order to limit exposure to infection.

Create emotional connections

"It's one of the biggest challenges in the current caregiving community — trying to live with the holding pattern for those who have a new condition or need a new treatment,” Delgado says.

She also stresses the need to reach out and be a good neighbor, mentioning an 82-year-old Korean War widow in her neighborhood who has a son in a wheelchair. “It's challenging for her to get out and shop right now,” she says. “But it gives me comfort and lowers my stress to help neighbors during this crisis.”

Don Appel, a therapist and social worker in New York City, advises that we can counter physical isolation with emotional connections. Pick up the phone; send a text; reach out or connect with loved ones, friends and coworkers to mitigate against the anxiety surrounding COVID-19.

"Don't overwhelm yourself,” Appel cautions. “Information is important, but bingeing the news can be harmful. You need updated information regularly, but you don't need to immerse yourself in it 24/7."

It's also interesting how people within the same household respond to the same stress. “People in fragile physical conditions need to be hyper-vigilant interacting with others, even members of their own families,” Appel explains. “Relationships can fray under the strain of the different perspectives that individuals bring to this pandemic. Give your family or partner an emotional space. We all are fragile and stressed. Try to offer a little forgiveness and understanding."

Ultimately, it's helpful for all of us to remember that the present situation is not permanent. Every generation has had its challenges, and the key to getting through COVID-19 is to keep adjusting and adapting to new conditions or information.

"As humans, we are used to seeing safety in numbers,” Mackinday says. “Especially with combat veterans, the guys have each other's backs. It may feel like we are all on our own right now, but we really aren't. We just have to change the way we support one another."

"I'll be excited when our family can hug again,” Comeau adds. “As a caregiver, I live for hugs."