Stories from Caregivers: Mary from CALIFORNIA
CA
Mary
FROM CALIFORNIA
Between assisting my elderly mom and being chief advocate and caregiver for my ailing husband I can safely say that it has been and continues to be really tough. But as they say the tough keep going. That is me. I have to be. Tough. After mom's AFIB rehab she went back to live at home, where her grown son also lived. After many months of helping with cleaning, showering detail, I came to the realization that I couldn't continue to be the major caregiver to both my mom and my husband. I engaged my brother in finding other means of help for mom but that wasn't easy as mom wasn't about to relinquish any control. Finally help was found and I was able to step away from the situation. Sometimes there is only so much of me to go around. Stepping away without guilt wasn't easy. Back to my dear husband-he has been such a super duper superman these past six and half years fighting the bad ole cancer. He keeps saying "If it wasn't for my wife I'd be gone, she has been keeping me alive"�. Some days I'm not sure if that is a good thing. Yes, my husband has been able to live more than anticipated (they gave him 6 months 2009) and we live each day to the fullest doing everything possible to Carpe Diem. Of course during this time he has had to suffer much, over and over. Colon cancer metastasized to the liver and then to the spleen and then to the lungs; Many surgeries and extraordinary new age procedures to save his life again and again. I'm really amazed of how well he has managed all these years. Recently, my husband suffered a hemorrhagic stroke. The early hours/days of the stroke are still vivid in my memory. So devastating-I thought I'd lost him. Instead we rejoice as we experienced miracles and he pulled through the whole experience with no problems. God is our miracle worker. God has helped us through this ongoing cancer journey and continues to guide us every day. Meanwhile, after recovery my husband faces more continuous chemotherapy; treatments not to eradicate the cancer but, rather to try to control it. At one point or another there may be a time when the body says (before the mind says it) enough I can't give any more. Meantime, I will continue steadfast and TOUGH in everything that is needed to help my husband thru the chemotherapy sessions and help him have fun too. Another saving grace through these years has been our dancing. We are ballroom dancers (that's how we met) and my husband looks forward to any dancing he can do even if it is just a walk around the floor slowly. Sometimes it is hard to continue all that is entailed in being a caregiver and advocate. But I look for support from friends, from God, to carry on because my husband's life depends upon me.
