Stories from Caregivers: Paula from FLORIDA
FL
Paula
FROM FLORIDA
My father-in-law, Wayne, raised SIX kids. Although of course I didn't know him when he was raising his children, I know what a hard worker he was. Although he is not a demonstrative person, I know how deeply he loves his children. He really lost much of his reason for living when my mother-in-law, Barb, passed away in November 2013. He had already had several mini-strokes by then, but was managing alone in his home. That all changed in May 2014 when he fell and acquired a subdural hematoma. It became clear that several factors were coming together to indicate that he could no longer live alone. I had just quit my job of almost 20 years to "find my bliss" and it turns out "my bliss" took a backseat to being a caregiver. The short-term memory issues and balance issues require someone to be around at all times to make sure Dad is safe. Over the past two years since he moved in, we have dealt with quite a few changes: his successful battle with neck cancer, his efforts to adjust to being in our home and not having control over basic things like what he chooses to do, what he eats/drinks, and how he goes about his daily life. Every family member has been challenged. My 16 year old has had to cope with seeing his grandfather lose bodily functions in in appropriate places (among other things). My husband struggles with understanding why he doesn't take care of his daily personal needs. I struggle with the constant fear that he is going to fall (again) and with the fact that is is difficult for him to accept being in "my" home (no matter what we do to make him feel welcome). Guiding much of this is my memory of my mother-in-law, who had extremely high standards, having been a director of nursing. I know she is looking down on us and expecting the best. I don't want to let her (or him!) down. (The picture is dad with my nieces/his granddaughters.)
