Stories from Caregivers: Patricia from NORTH CAROLINA
NC
Patricia
FROM NORTH CAROLINA
6/23/17 Caregiving for Carole Carole and I had been out cutting down our Christmas tree with friends and their twin daughters, 33 years into our fantastic love-story romance. It had been a lovely day, full of knee-deep snow, singing Christmas carols, hot cocoa and bringing home our freshly cut tree. Dec. 6, 2006. A date we will never forget. We walked out into the New England darkness at 6 pm to go take our daily hour-long walk; not too late to get our daily exercise in after our wonderful day. Neither of us saw the log that had rolled off the pile in the darkness as we hurried to the car. Carole tripped over the log, flew through the air and hit the cement, hard, head first. Neither of our lives have been the same since that moment. She had been a retired brilliant professor, but after many surgeries and rehabilitations for all of her broken bones, her brain injuries changed her, and us, forevermore. She had to learn to walk and talk all over again. It took us 6 years to find a diagnosis for the great psychological changes Carole sustained that day. Initially she was diagnosed as having dementia. Later, the diagnosis was changed to Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Her body was so badly compromised that no one, including me, realized how badly her brain had been damaged. 10 years later we are still dealing with daily issues: memory loss, concentration, confusions, mood swings, fatigue. At 81, she has recovered better than anyone ever expected. She walks and talks with ease, with the help of a cane. And still, caregiving is constant. On-going, daily. Life with a TBI is unpredictable, for Carole and for me. She wants to do more, be more independent, have the same autonomy that she once so enjoyed, but it just is not possible now. She has fallen 7 more times, each time hitting the same frontal lobe, re-damaging it again and again. Regressions, re-learning, climbing out of the hole again and again. And it is so worth it! Every time! Every day! There is nowhere else I would rather be. No one else I would rather be with. Carole enjoys being a clown now, on occasion. Korny Kornelia is her clown name. She is a member of Womansong, a 75 member chorus that gives concerts to raise money for women in transition. She still drives and cooks and shops, with help. We share our weekly Spiritual Service. Life with brain injury (x8) is challenging, certainly, but I am so blessed to still have Carole with me! I am honored and humbled to be the one she depends on to make it through the day. I only wish I could be a better caregiver, my learning curve has been difficult and steep. Caregiving is overwhelming, frustrating, and the most challenging thing I have ever done. Carole was always the practical one who handled the details of life well and easily. I was the counselor, artist, writer, dreamer; the last one to make a good caregiver. I am doing my best with the skills that I have. Together we are recovering and coping, living happily ever after, not in the way we had once planned, but in the way that God has given us to continue to enjoy each other. Carole aka Korny Kornelia is on the left with the blue hat on; Pat aka Lady Giggles is on the right with rainbow hair.
