Stories from Caregivers: Ray from NORTH CAROLINA
NC
Ray
FROM NORTH CAROLINA
My wife and I have been married 67 wonderful years. As I think back on our marriage, my wife developed a mind set that she needed my involvement in her care during times of sickness or periods of distress, even minor illnesses. Although it started in her mid 20's it was many years later through MRI technology, that her illness was finally diagnosed as Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Her MS would come and then lie dormant. Those times provided the opportunity for "normal" lifespans when she was able to care for herself and nurture our family. A few years ago, she was diagnosed with Dementia. As her health has declined, I now look back on those early days as being a training period for me. My dear wife is nearly wheelchair bound all day. She requires assistance with all her activities. God has blessed me with fairly good health and for about three years I was able to handle the workload without assistance. The past two years have been a different story. Often nature calls and she requires 2 to 3 trips to the potty nightly. Frankly, with the disruption in my sleep, I became exhausted. I now share the workload. I awaken her, take her to the potty, bathe her, prepare and serve her breakfast. Help arrives to complete the bath and dress her. Helpers aid in housekeeping tasks, but I prepare nearly all the meals. While help is available, I use the time to shop, handle my own appointments or work in yard. Due to schedules, two days a week no paid help arrives. Our daughters help as their schedules permit. Their help, both physical and emotional, is greatly appreciated. Now as the dementia is becoming more prevalent and and as her health declines and she becomes even less mobile, our lives are very stressful at times. Recently, her personality has started changing. She has moments when she becomes hateful and that is so against her very nature. I fear she will turn against me and in those moments of her anguish will harm herself. I miss those times when we could talk about things, just anything. Just simply conversation can be taken for granted. For 67 years I have loved and devoted myself to this woman I love. I will continue to be her companion through good and bad days.
