Stories from Caregivers: Elizabeth from NORTH CAROLINA
NC
Elizabeth
FROM NORTH CAROLINA
As an only child, and from a close, old-fashioned family, I responded to my mom's stroke when she was 84 in the only manner I knew, to jump in with both feet to take care of her. Mama lived alone in my home town & I, 4 hours away. Ida had been widowed when she was 54 & had lived happily on her own for many years. But by the time of her stroke all her old friends were dead or dying & many of her siblings & extended family of her generation were, also. So I persuaded to uproot & move down with me. We bought a house to accomodate us both, and I became a fulltime caregiver on top of fulltime work. Mama was initially able to handle many things on her own, but the stroke and the change in her environment really struck down basic impulses to care for herself, especially concerning food and meals. I fixed her breakfast in the morning, prepared a light lunch, I bought a small 'fridge & microwave to put in her room then came home to fix dinner. I did a great job finding the best doctors, a hairdresser, her bank, etc. I paid the bills, cleaned the house, grocery shopped, tried to bring friends in to expand her social life. She seemed to have a difficult time meeting new people as she was profoundly deaf. And that, also, made our day-to-day communication extremely difficult, even though she had state-of-the-art hearing aids! I got spiritual & emotional support from my church. I started to find the few existing support services that the state & county provided. Without the Caregiver Respite Scholarships from the county senior services & friends I wouldn't have been able to even attend my daughter's wedding. By the eighth or so year I could no longer keep working outside the home & took early retirement, which, needless to say has left me impoverished! I wish I had had access to more information & consultants on how to set up the financial end of the process. I'm grateful that Mama was not in a facility, it was her greatest fear. And, having visited parents of friends in eldercare situations I'm even more pleased that I pulled it off to keep her in the bosom of her family, she was able to enjoy visits from her only granddaughter & to get to know her only great granddaughter! Though I have some regrets, the biggest one is how overwhelmed I was by the last few months of her living & dying. Even with Hospice care, I barely kept my nose above water & was too tired to grieve fully. I hope & pray that civilization finds better ways of approaching aging & end-of-life care in the near future.
