Stories from Caregivers: Deborah from VIRGINIA
VA
Deborah
FROM VIRGINIA
My name is Deborah. I am 65 years old. My mother is 85 My journey as an adult caregiver began 33 years ago. My mother and father divorced. My mom was fighting her employer for disability because of an accident at work, and when the divorce came, she had no income to support herself and the youngest of my siblings. She asked me to come home to help out so that she would not lose the house. It took three years, but she finally won the case for disability, however, by that time, I had taken over the responsibility of paying the mortgage and the household bills. I worked as a public school speech pathologist. I was able to go to work and participate in activities outside of the house. My mom was the associate minister of our church and was still driving, at that time, so she was able to do her charitable work for the church. This went on for a while. However, my mom has debilitating migraines which might go into seizures, so there were times when she would just stare out into space, lose track of time, shake uncontrollably or just black out. As time went on, my mom admitted that she had to pull over sometimes when she could feel the migraine coming on. Sometimes, she would not know where she was. We took the keys, so I became the chauffeur. One day, I came in from work and greeted my mom while she watched TV. She said that something smelled good and asked me what I was cooking. It was then that she had to stop cooking, so I became the chef. Then, it occurred to me that she was not taking her medications correctly. We use a medication dispenser that has the seven days a week and four times a day- morning, noon, evening and bedtime. I would give her her medication before I left for school, but she would sometimes forget what day it was and retake the meds for a different day. I could see the steady decline of daily living skills. I could see her confusion about using the phone or confusing the phone for the remote control for the TV. She would lose days and time was confusing to her. I realized that it was time to retire. That is when the paperwork began for the long term health care that she has been paying for the past twenty years. We have finally qualified for the help I need to take care of her so that I can have someone to sit with her while I do errands like go to the bank, grocery story or library. Friends have helped a great deal. My sisters still work. One of them lives in another state, but she helps out financially. Caregiving is a calling. Not everyone is up for the challenge, and I am learning that no one should try to do it alone.
