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![How to help support when a loved one falls victim to a scam or fraud hand reaching out to comfort a brokenhearted woman with head in hand and the negative space between her face and hand forms a heart shape](https://cdn.aarp.net/content/dam/aarpe/en/home/money/scams-fraud/info-2023/supporting-loved-ones/_jcr_content/root/container_main/container_body_main/container_body1/container_body_cf/container_image/articlecontentfragment/cfimage.coreimg.50.932.jpeg/content/dam/aarp/money/scams_fraud/2023/07/1140-loved-one-got-scammed.jpg)
Christine Coady’s mother-in-law was terrified when she got the call that her grandson had been in a car crash that injured an undercover police officer. She quickly mailed envelopes filled with cash and sent more money via wire transfers for what she was told was bail, hospital bills, even a wheelchair ramp for the cop’s house. Sadly, it was a scam that ended up costing her $90,000.
She’d been told to keep quiet, but her family realized something was wrong when she kept texting her grandson to ask if he was OK. “Her biggest regret is believing that need for secrecy,” says Coady, 62, who volunteers with the AARP Fraud Watch Network. “I’ve learned that many victims carry shame and embarrassment on their own, not telling anybody.”
Supporting an aging loved one during or after a scam can break through their isolation, bolster their mental health, protect their assets and perhaps even lower their risk for future fraud, says Marti DeLiema, a University of Minnesota-Twin Cities gerontologist who studies financial scams and older adults. Too often, relatives blame the person who experienced the scam, try to take over or withdraw in frustration, she says.
“The emotional impact of fraud is significant, especially when somebody has lost a lot,” says Kathy Stokes, director of fraud prevention programs with AARP. “When the family is supportive, it makes a fundamental difference.”
Fraud experts say these strategies can help you support a victimized loved one:
1. Skip the blame and shame
One in three Americans think scam victims are largely responsible for their fate, according to AARP survey data. Victim blaming could make your parent clam up instead of telling you their story and letting you help.
Best strategy: “Think about it not as something Mom and Dad did wrong, but about their intent,” Stokes says. “They were trying to help out a relative (grandparent scam) or accumulate money they could pass on as generational wealth (lottery scam).”
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