ILLUSTRATION BY SAM ISLAND

1. MERLE: You still steal library books?

EARL: Yeah, I should get that checked out.

2. JANIE: Did you grill the chicken?

JOHNNY: Yes, but it still won’t tell me why it crossed the road.

3. ALAN: Does exercise help the brain make better decisions?

ELLEN: Yes. Last week, I ran a mile and decided, “Never again.”

4. POLLY: You really need to stop making those terrible dad jokes.

WALLY: OK, but how?
POLLY: Whatever means necessary.
WALLY: No it doesn’t!

5. BETTY: Sweetie, can you clear the kitchen table?

BOBBY: Only with a running start.

6. TOM: What word is spelled correctly even when spelled incorrectly?

PAM: Incorrectly.

We all fall and rise. Over and over. Life’s a roller coaster. And what a beautiful ride it is.
—Drew Barrymore, 49

Anybody that says ‘words hurt’ has never been punched in the face.

—Chris Rock, 59

When I was young, I was a perfectionist to the degree where it’s painful. I’ve learned, as I grow older, that I have to let a lot go.

—Actor Carol Kane, 72

No farewell tour for the E Street Band! Farewell to what? Thousands of people screaming your name?
—Bruce Springsteen, 75

I never saw success as results. Sometimes the results aren’t there, but you feel good because you got better.
—Actor Vince Vaughn, 54

Be there for your kids. Say yes. Say yes as much as you can.
—Stephen King, 77

Would you sit in makeup for six hours at 1 in the mother-bleeping morning if you didn’t love what you’re doing?
—Spike Lee, 67

I’m not letting anyone else put on the pointy hat and beard if I can help it.
—Lord of the Rings actor Ian McKellen, 85, on holding off retirement

I’ve spent the past 40 years striking the perfect balance between constantly working and never getting bugged in a deli.
—Actor Richard Kind, 67

Thomas Fuchs