Your Life
A WATCHFUL EYE AND A WILLING EAR
Not all aging loved ones need medical help. Enter the care companion
The writer’s mom, Joanna Edelson (right), with her “new best friend,” Donna Gillespie
After my father died 11 years ago, my mother became fiercely independent. Her social calendar was full: book club, choir practices and film group meetings. And her memory remained sharp for years. She could recall incidents from my childhood that I had long forgotten.
Dementia changed all that. Three years ago, my mother, Joanna, started to get into car accidents—not severe, but concerning. One night she forgot how to get home. I noticed her struggling to recall the names of friends and relatives. She often couldn’t remember where the utensils were kept in her kitchen.
My family and I knew she needed help, but we didn’t want to move her from her home in the Michigan neighborhood she adored. And she was in relatively good physical health. She didn’t need a home-health aide. She needed someone who could just spend time with her.
A DIFFERENT TYPE OF CARE
Such an arrangement is called companion care, a solution for people in my mother’s situation. They need some supervision, but not medical care, as well as help with tasks such as cooking and transportation, but not feeding or dressing. And they crave companionship. “We’ve got loved ones who are sitting alone and not having conversations and not really staying as much engaged in life or feeling as relevant,” says Sherri Snelling, a gerontologist and spokesperson for Comfort Keepers, an in-home care agency.
Finding someone to do this work often requires going through different channels from those to find home-health aides. “The need is great. But I don’t think we have great models for finding companionship care because it does not fit our traditional home-care models or home-health models,” says Christina Irving, client services director with the Family Caregiver Alliance. She suggests reaching out to senior and community centers, nursing schools, or students in psychology or social work programs at local colleges.
A geriatric care manager can also help. Locate one in your area at aginglifecare.org. Also helping to fill this void are online registries that connect families with various types of in-home workers, also including childcare providers, pet sitters and house cleaners. They include Care.com, Comfort Keepers and CareLinx. One benefit is that they screen workers. But with some agencies, rates may be higher because the service will take a cut.
THE BENEFITS OF COMPANIONSHIP
I found one care companion through Nextdoor, the popular neighborhood network app. She was a kind, compassionate widow who was eager to spend a few hours a week helping my mom. Initially skeptical, my mother was quickly won over and enjoyed being taken on errands, such as grocery shopping, that she used to handle herself. Later, we hired a second care companion, and my mother had a similar positive reaction: “She’s my new best friend.”
Julie Halpert has written about aging for The Wall Street Journal and The New York Times.
COMPANION CARE TIPS
→ Provide explicit details in solicitations. “Are you looking for companionship in addition to support with errands or housework? A fitness partner? Be sure to include any specifics or goals,” says Caty Kobe, head of community for Nextdoor.
→ Vet the candidates. If hiring through a service, make sure a background check has been conducted. If hiring directly, verify the candidate’s employment record and check references. Ask for driving records, which candidates should be able to get through the state department of motor vehicles. Obtaining a complete criminal record will likely require hiring a company that specializes in background checks.
→ Check your insurance. Although companion care is not covered by traditional Medicare or many private insurers, there are exceptions. Francesca Rinaldo, senior vice president of clinical product and innovation at Sharecare, CareLinx’s parent company, says to ask your insurer about a “home care benefit.” Some Medicare Advantage plans also will cover such services, she says. Jill McNamara, Care.com’s senior director, says that long-term care insurance can be tapped in some cases.