YOU KNOW how in marriages one spouse tends to make dinner and the other cleans the dishes? Over time, one becomes a skillful cook while the other can barely boil water. That happens with money management: The spouse who does it gains expertise while the other one knows less, according to a study from the University of Texas and the University of Colorado.

“If you’re driving with your partner and you’re the one who’s in charge of retirement, you’re way more likely to notice the financial planning billboard,” says study coauthor Adrian F. Ward.

“Your partner doesn’t have to worry about any of this stuff, which is awesome as long as you both stay alive the exact same amount of time and you stay in love forever.”

Bridge the gap: Just as the family cook might fill a notebook with recipes, the money manager could create a binder listing accounts, bills and adviser contact info so that the other partner can step in, Ward suggests. Or have the less-involved partner manage the finances for a month or so, says Danielle Davis, founder of the Money in Matrimony online community: “By switching roles, they can do a dry run.”

NEARLY ONE-FOURTH of women surveyed by Bank of America in 2022 said they regretted not educating themselves more about money, and a third said a lack of knowledge held them back from investing. A lack of confidence can be exacerbated if a person has run up credit card debt or made financial mistakes in the past, says Michele Paiva, a finance therapist based in Downingtown, Pennsylvania.

Bridge the gap: In an ideal situation, the partner who has been in charge would be open to teaching the less-knowledgeable spouse about finances, says Lindsey Hoskins, a Bethesda, Maryland–based therapist who does couples financial counseling. “As a first step, have the uninvolved person just sit with the person who’s managing the money and watch them pay the bills, watch them balance the checking account, watch them put the money in the retirement account,” Hoskins says. “ ‘Every time I sit down and do anything with the money, I’m going to invite you to come and sit with me so you can start to understand how it works.’ ”

SOMETIMES ONE person in the relationship doesn’t want the other to have any control or knowledge about the finances. This might stem from a desire to keep certain spending or destructive habits a secret. The motivation isn’t always that sinister, though. Maybe the spouse in charge of finances was lied to about money by an ex-partner, and the resulting distrust has spilled over into the current marriage. Or maybe that spouse just feels they’re the better person for the job. “I’ve had a lot of couples where one person is controlling the money and they will say to me, ‘But I’m keeping it safe,’ ” Paiva says. “You might be keeping things safe for the money, but you’re not keeping things safe for the relationship.”

Bridge the gap: If your spouse is hesitant to give up control of the finances, go slowly. Ask for a portion of the responsibilities to handle each month, suggests Hoskins, like paying some of the bills and keeping an eye on your bank account balances. Set a time limit for the experiment, such as three months, to give the controlling partner time to get comfortable with the idea that you can contribute. If your partner doesn’t want to share anything about your investments or accounts, that could be a red flag. “If your partner is trustworthy, they’re going to be transparent,” Paiva says.