One Woman’s Search for Happiness

FEATURE STORY

STORY BY DAVID HOCHMAN
ILLUSTRATIONS BY PATRICK LEGER

EDITOR’S NOTE: According to a 2024 report, while older Americans are happier than younger generations, even their happiness has dropped off since the first report a dozen years ago. AARP, as always, pledges to help you find meaning and joy in your life, and to that end we offer you Mary’s journey to happiness. Mary is fictitious only in the sense that she is a composite of older Americans, and all the advice dispensed on her journey is based on hard science and facts, a smart guide to easing your way in the days to come. —Bob Love, Editor in Chief

Chapter 1: Mary’s Struggle

MARY GONZALEZ-LEWIS, 60, SITS IN HER HOME ON A STORMY DAY, FEELING LIKE SO MANY OF US—FED UP WITH MISERABLE HEADLINES, WORRIED ABOUT WHAT’S COMING NEXT, AND WONDERING IF SHE’LL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO GET BY WITHOUT HAVING TO LEAN ON FAMILY OR WHITE-KNUCKLE IT ALONE. ISN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE “THE HAPPIEST TIME IN LIFE?"

Illustration of 60-year-old woman, Mary, sitting in a dark room, above her the ceiling is leaking. A speech bubble reads, This roof has as many holes as my retirement plan.

IT’S NOT EASY BEING A PARENT, EVEN WITH A GROWNUP KID.

Illustration of a computer screen showing ticket purchase page for Taylor Swift concert. In a second frame, a closeup of Mary's face, she says, Heather would be over the moon. But, gah! So are these prices. Below is an illustration of an ad for a shiny bracelet. Mary says, Then again, when was the last time I treated myself to anything?

WORK STRESS ISN’T HELPING HER SENSE OF CONTENTMENT AND EASE.

Illustration of Mary at her cubicle at work, her male boss hovering over her with a folder in hand. Mary thinks, I can't keep working for this idiot forever.

AND NOW A HEALTH SCARE!

Animated illustration of Mary looking in the mirror, noticing a lump on her neck. She says, Wait, are you kidding me right now?

Chapter 2: Hungry for Change

MARY ARRIVES AT THE OFFICE OF HER COUSIN CANDACE, A BEHAVIORAL THERAPIST. SHE KNOWS HOW IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS ARE AND THAT EXPRESSING YOURSELF IS BETTER THAN SUFFERING IN SILENCE—EVEN THOUGH BEING VULNERABLE CAN BE REALLY CHALLENGING.

Illustration of Mary embracing her cousin Candace.

Illustration of Mary wiping tears from her eyes. She says, Oh, Cousin, thank you for seeing me. I didn't know where else to turn.

Animated illustration of Mary and Candace sitting across from each other, Mary is taking deep breathes. Candance says, Mary, the stress you’re feeling is completely valid, and it’s important to acknowledge it. Now, let’s talk about some practical techniques that can help you find a bit of calm. First, breathe … think 4-7-8: in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds. Repeat.

TIP:

Improving yourself by learning something new is one of the best ways to feel more vibrant and in control of life as you age, experts say.

Animated illustration of Mary's face slowly relaxing. Candance continues, Also, progressive muscle relaxation can be very helpful. You tense various muscle groups one at a time as you breathe in, then relax them as you breathe out. It can release a lot of the tension you’re carrying.

Illustration of a book, the cover says Living Your Best Life After 50.

Animated illustration of Mary and Candace waving goodbye. Candace says, Remember, you now have some tools to help you feel better. But it starts with being kind to yourself. Mary replies, You're truly a lifesaver, cuz!

Chapter 3: Mary’s Midlife Emergency Kit

A WEEK LATER, MARY VISITS WITH HER BEST FRIEND, ELSA, WHO IS EAGER TO HEAR ABOUT THE NEW HABITS OF MIND AND BEHAVIOR THAT MARY IS PUTTING INTO PLACE IN HER LIFE.

Illustration of Mary sitting at a coffee shop with her friend, Elsa. Mary says, My cousin told me to write down three funny things I notice every day, since that simple practice seems to work for some people. Or so she says.

Illustration of Mary looking to the left, where she sees a vision of her doctor. Mary says, Who knew you could find anything funny about getting a biopsy? Her doctor, a woman, says, Hi, Mary, I'm Dr. Needleman.

Illustration of Mary looking to the right, where she sees a vision of her boss. Mary says, I even laughed about my stupid boss. Her boss, a man with comically out of place hair, says, This sales presentation is super important. Hold my calls. Mary says, You're going to do great!

Animated illustration of Mary and Elsa walking on a trail outdoors. Mary, who is in the lead, says, Let’s go, Elsa! I read that exercise isn’t just for people Heather’s age. Anything to get the body moving can really help with stress. And it’s working a bit, I think. Elsa, who is trailing behind and sweating, says, Hey, wait for me!

Animated illustration of Mary and Elsa further down the trail, looking at a butterfly. Mary says, Oh, this is better, El. There’s even a name for it: savoring. Elsa then replies, Ooh, look at that butterfly! Mary replies, Don't make fun of me you dork.

TIP:

People in a research study who took note of positive things on a daily 20-minute walk felt significantly happier after just one week.

THAT EVENING, MARY IS STILL EAGER TO GROW AND LEARN.

Illustration of Mary and Elsa sitting on a couch at Elsa's cozy home. Mary says, I always love your place, Elsa. I wish my space could feel like yours. Elsa replies, It's not hard, it's hygge. Mary says, Huh? Elsa replies, HYOO-guh. That’s Danish for prioritizing life’s good and simple pleasures. Soft lighting. Cozy blankets. This sunset. Quality time with friends like you.

Animated illustration of Mary putting down her glass and turning to Elsa. Mary asks, Can I live more hygge? Elsa responds, You sure can!

Chapter 4: Simple Fixes, Big Payoffs

TWO WEEKS HAVE PASSED, AND MARY IS EMBRACING HYGGE AT HOME: A FUZZY BLANKET, A FEW NEW CANDLES, SOME PRETTY CURTAINS ON THE WINDOWS. IT FEELS LIKE A NEW SPACE.

Animated illustration of Mary's redecorated home. Mary is drinking a cup of tea and says, Wow, small changes really can make a difference.

THOSE HAPPINESS TIPS REALLY WORK.

Illustration of Mary weighing her options, a hand with Taylor Swift tickets on the left and a hand wearing a shiny new bracelet on the right. Her thought bubble says Pick experiences over stuff.

Animated illustration of a computer cursor clicking a BUY button.

BACK AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE.

Animated illustration of Mary at the doctors office waiting room. She is holding a copy of AARP the Magazine, flipping pages. She says, Fascinating. Happiness researchers say that five acts of kindness on a single day, once per week for six weeks, deliver increased happiness over that period. Mary then says, Why not start today?

TIP:

Scientists have found that not only do acts of kindness boost happiness, they improve brain and heart health—and even increase your longevity.

WALKING HOME ...

Illustration of Mary leaving a grocery bag of produce and some cash besides the sleeping man.

Illustration of Mary hugging her daughter Heather, who is holding concert tickets in her hand.

Chapter 5: Seeking Financial and Health Advice

MARY, DETERMINED AND PROACTIVE, VISITS A FINANCIAL PLANNER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE. AND WHY NOT? RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT PEOPLE TYPICALLY REGRET THE THINGS THEY DIDN’T DO MORE THAN THE THINGS THEY DID. NO FOMO FOR HER!

Illustration of Mary at a financial advisor's office. Mary says, Honestly, I hate thinking about money and budgeting, but I know I can’t keep ignoring it. Her financial advisor, a man, responds, A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.

Animated illustration of Mary and her financial advisor looking at a moving computer screen with financial data. Mary says, I put this off for so long. But getting clarity on my finances gives me peace of mind.

TIP:

Americans with a more detailed financial plan are about three times as likely to report greater happiness in money matters, including goal setting, debt, net worth and financial allies.

Illustration of an AARP Tax Aide volunteer peeking into the office. She says to Mary, Let’s maximize your retirement plan contributions. At age 50 or older, you can make catch-up contributions to retirement accounts, such as 401(k)s and IRAs. For 2024, the limits of these contributions have substantially increased!

Illustration of Mary smiling at the Tax Aide volunteer. She thinks to herself, Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a confident gesture of strength.

THE NEXT DAY AT DR. NEEDLEMAN’S WITH HEATHER.

Illustration of Mary sitting in Dr. Needleman's office, with her daughter, Heather. The Dr. is holding test results and says to Mary, You're going to be alright.

Animated illustration of Mary looking relieved, reaching up to hold her daughter's hand. Mary says, I'm going to be okay.

Chapter 6: From Floundering to Flourishing

A FEW MONTHS INTO HER SELF-IMPROVEMENT JOURNEY, MARY REFLECTS ON THE SOURCES OF HER NEWFOUND WELL-BEING: NURTURING RELATIONSHIPS, EXPRESSING HERSELF GENUINELY, CONTRIBUTING TO THE WELL-BEING OF OTHERS, EMBRACING OPPORTUNITIES WITH A “YES,” EXPERIMENTING WITH NEW EXPERIENCES AND CHERISHING THE POSITIVE.

Animated illustration of Mary at home, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea and looking out the window at the clouds roll by.

Illustration of the faces of all the people who have helped Mary along her journey. Mary says, Making connections changes your life.

Illustration of Mary confidently walking out of her office, telling her surprised boss, Sorry, I don't work weekends anymore. In the background her coworkers cheer her on.

Animated illustration of Mary and Heather holding their hands up in a glowing concert crowd. Heather says, I'll never forget this, mama. Mary replies, Me neither, baby. Me neither.

ALWAYS LOOKING FORWARD.

Animated illustration of a glowing Mary standing outside. She says to the reader, Imagine your ideal future. Hold that vision and take steps toward it every day. Flourishing isn’t a destination but a way of being. Life is good, if you allow it to be.

David Hochman is a longtime contributing editor for AARP The Magazine and AARP Bulletin. His bylines appear in The New York Times, Forbes, GQ, Food & Wine and many other publications. Patrick Leger is an illustrator and animation designer based in New York. His work has been published by The New Yorker, The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, HarperCollins and Random House.

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