Now a certified parent coach near Dallas and a mother of five with one teen still at home, Muench knows not to take such adolescent outbursts personally. “A lot of times, it’s not really about you,” she says. “They’re struggling with their own emotional lives.”

But it’s not always easy to stay zen when your kid is raging. Who likes getting yelled at for “breathing weird”? Developmental experts offer some simple strategies for weathering your teen’s stormy moods with your relationship intact—and even strengthened.

Use “the Botox brow.” Teens aren’t always able to correctly identify facial expressions, research has shown. If yours is fretting about a bad grade, they might interpret your crinkled forehead as a sign of anger rather than sympathy, says Michelle Icard, author of 8 Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success. Icard counsels parents to be “extraordinarily neutral looking”—as if you’ve received a heavy dose of Botox— when speaking with an upset teen. “They feel safe then to tell you more.”

Take a back seat. When your teen has an idea that you know won’t go anywhere, don’t immediately shoot it down, says Zachary Feldman, M.D., associate psychiatry professor at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine. Ask open-ended questions. “Sometimes they just want to talk,” he says.

Suggest a try-this-first list. Encourage your kid to write down 10 things that make them happy, such as shooting hoops or watching dog videos, Icard advises. Then, when they come to you worked up about friendship drama, suggest they try something on their list for 20 minutes, then return to see if they still feel the same way. Time focused on a favorite activity can stop spiraling feelings and build self-awareness. “It’s a lesson in, ‘When I feel discomfort, I can do something to make myself feel better,’ ” says Icard.

Schedule a weekly check-in. Teens are insanely busy. Sitting down with them once a week to discuss activities and schedule homework sessions can head off last-minute crises and meltdowns, says Ana Homayoun, author of Erasing the Finish Line: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admission. “You’re not micromanaging the process, but you’re creating a time and space for the process to happen,” she says.

Let them stay in their room. As a teen does the hard work of separating themselves from their parents, their bedroom becomes a place to express their independence and regroup. As long as your kid is putting in the effort at school and engaging with family and friends, it’s fine to let them spend time off by themselves, says Stephen P. Whiteside, a child psychologist at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota. (Note: If you see your child retreating from school, family and other aspects of life, it might be time to call in their pediatrician for a mental health assessment.)

Turn the other cheek. Thinking back to that laundry-room moment, Muench is thankful her son apologized. If you’re in a similar situation but your child doesn’t return, she advises taking some time to let your kid cool off and then going to talk to them. “It’s not about ‘You were disrespectful to me,’ ” she says. “It’s about ‘What’s going on? This is really out of character for you.’ Instead of being offended, be curious.” —Sarah Lindenfeld Hall