Downsize Me: Can This Couple Find Familial Bliss Across the Country?

First decision: where to live

Our daughter asked, “Do you want to age in place? Do you want to move to a continuing care community in Massachusetts? Or do you want to come out here?”

The Kuhlmanns' old house was 2,100 square feet, with three bedrooms.

Peter Frank Edwards

I thought, “Where do I want to be at the end of my life?” I wanted to be with my daughter. She is our only child, and she has three children who are 4, 6 and 8. We want to get there before grandparents become irrelevant to them.

Second decision: housing type

We wanted this to be the final move of our lifetime. We looked at continuing care communities. With continuing care, it is divided into three levels: independent living, then assisted living and skilled nursing. Once you’re in the community, if you need more care as you age, you’ve got it. I researched places within about 30 minutes of Georgiana because California’s cost of living is so expensive. They live in Palo Alto, which wasn’t affordable to us. Some of the entrance fees to those communities were more than a million dollars!

Third decision: community

Doug and Terry Kuhlmann enjoy walking their dog, Abby, at their new home, the Terraces of Los Gatos.

Gabriela Hasbun

Choice 1: A community closer to Palo Alto. Beautiful — you could walk out your door and hike. But it was up in the hills and a bit isolated. My husband liked the idea of being up in the mountains, but I wanted to be in town.

Choice 2: The Terraces of Los Gatos, which is a little more than 20 miles from Palo Alto. We could walk to a coffee shop and grocery store. It felt vibrant.

Our pick: The more isolated place made the decision for us. We wanted a two-bedroom apartment. We both do a lot of things on Zoom. Doug tutors online, and I take Italian classes, so we wanted a second bedroom for an office. But they only approved us for one bedroom. So, Los Gatos it was. [They ended up with a two-bedroom, 1,070-square foot apartment on the third floor.]

The Kuhlmanns hired senior move managers to help them with packing and other matters.

Peter Frank Edwards

Fourth decision: stuff

We approached downsizing with trepidation because we knew we had a lot to do. We hired senior move managers, relocation experts. They did the packing and helped us get rid of things by delivering them to charities. I also sold a bunch of stuff on Facebook Marketplace, and I gave things to friends, which feels good. It’s nice to say, “Here’s a special thing. Now you have a piece of us.”

Doug Kulmann goes through items in his old home.

Peter Frank Edwards

Christmas decorations: I let most of my Santa collection go and only kept Christmas ornaments that were gifts or travel souvenirs.

English mementos: I collected cottages and tea sets from when we lived in Cambridge, England, for a year when Doug had a sabbatical there. Those were special memories that we wanted to keep.

Letters: I had lots of letters from college and from former students and their parents. I spent days reading through all of them. I had to keep one or two just to remember that’s what I did. People appreciated my work, and it’s nice to know.

Mother’s silver: I had a lot of stuff from after my mother passed away. Her silver had been in my basement for 12 years. So that went.

Dog couch: Definitely. It’s her safe spot, so we had to take that because moving is an adjustment for her, too.