Why So Many Gen Xers Are Best Friends With Their Parents

It seemed unlikely back when teens were rapping along to 1988’s Parents Just Don’t Understand, but today, many Gen Xers count their parents among their best friends. In one recent small survey by Talker Research, 63 percent of Gen Xers said they were closer to their parents than ever before.

The phenomenon is “definitely an emerging topic” in psychological research, says Max Zubatsky, associate professor in medical family therapy at St. Louis University. “I’ve also heard a lot about this in groups that we run with child caregivers.”

So how did members of the latchkey generation — which has been called one of the least-parented generations in U.S. history — end up so tight with Mom and Dad? Some of the shift is a natural product of aging. As people get older, they learn to better manage their expectations of others, explains Lynn Zakeri, a licensed clinical social worker in the Chicago area. So your parents’ quirks have likely gotten easier on you ... and yours on them.

There’s also the gift of time. The parents of Gen Xers are living longer than their parents’ generation did. That means more time for elders — or adult children — to mend fences, according to Jeremy B. Yorgason, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Provo, Utah.

Paradoxically, some of the stressors that make life especially challenging for the sandwich generation can strengthen Gen Xers’ bonds with their parents. Older adults today are reporting increasing rates of loneliness, and more of them are choosing to stay in their own homes than in previous generations, says Zubatsky. Ensuring that parents are safe at home, especially if they live solo, tends to require attention and support from adult children, “which creates more opportunities for the two generations to see each other,” Zubatsky explains. That time and proximity can be enough to deepen family bonds.

Of course, not every 50-something still has their parents, and among those who do, the relationship is not always butterflies and rainbows. Spending more time with a toxic parent won’t necessarily fix things. But if you’d like to be closer than you are, here are some suggestions.

Ask for a lesson

You give your parents tech advice. So let them educate you about something they love, Zakeri advises. It’s funny how a few decades can open your eyes to how much your parents really know.