Moon Unit Zappa’s New Memoir Addresses Family Rift

Have you shared it with them?

They didn’t ask. Ahmet and I did have a conversation where I said, “I’m a little worried you won’t like the book,” and he said, “We’ve already lost one another for so long. I’m not losing you again.” And that was meaningful to me.

Did you read anyone else’s memoir for inspiration?

Oh, I love memoirs. I’m a huge memoir fan. David Spade’s memoir [Almost Interesting] — hilarious; Not My Father’s Son by Alan Cumming — amazing. Jennette McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mom Died — that’s a good one. So many. I’m enjoying Prince Harry’s memoir [Spare] right now.

How do you look back on your “Valley Girl” song collaboration with your dad?

Well, I never considered myself a “Valley Girl.” I was trying to make my dad laugh, and it worked. At that time [1982], there were not a lot of father-daughter combinations in the world [of entertainment], except maybe Tatum O’Neal and her dad [Ryan]. I can’t really think of any others — maybe Debby and Pat Boone. So I think that there was a special interest just based on the father-daughter factor.

What do you miss most about your dad?

The fun. I miss him every day. I miss Gail too. In some ways he was a soulmate of mine. He was the funniest person I knew, [the] smartest person. I liked his clothing style. I liked his work ethic. I liked his integrity, his commitment to his work and following the calling as it expressed itself.

Do you still hear from his fans?

Oh yeah. They always have a story about how important my father was, and when they discovered him, and his impact on their lives, and their ongoing love of the music. And how it’s a marker in time for certain things that they feel a deep fondness for. And I think he represented freedom and imagination and boldness and absurdity and so many other things. He’s truly beloved. And I, of course, appreciate their stories, because I didn’t get enough time with him for my taste. And when they share it with me, I feel a little piece of my father comes back to me.

What projects are you currently working on?

I have a little tea business. I just built my website, moonunit.com, and that only took 15 years! I have a few blends. I am doing a special blend for the book. I also designed a meditation ring that’s tea leaves. You turn the little tea points — [it’s] self soothing. In terms of my art, I do a ton of stuff, because it’s fun to make stuff with your hands.

As you’ve hit your 50s, are you doing anything differently?

Oh, yeah — slowing down for one. I’ve always been fascinated with how arbitrary things are. My belief is that we’re just given this kind of goody bag of a body to wear. We don’t pick our eye color, we don’t pick our shoe size — we don’t pick any of that stuff.… We all will find a way to make the most of what we are gifted with, for better or worse. I have a very strong observer self. So even like hot flashing [from menopause], for example, I was like, This is so cool. I’m just suddenly on fire. This is wild. So I try to have a positive feeling about it. I know I could choose the path of bitterness for a thousand things, but it’s counterproductive.

What would you tell your younger self?

[Laughing] Besides “run”? I might say: “Invest in yourself even if it’s difficult. Put your energy into you.”

Do you feel like you’ve done that now through writing the book?

I think it’s a very healthy start, but it’s really difficult being the oldest and a hypernurturer to even locate what I want and what I need. I have to take a lot of breaks and be like, Is this what I really want to do? I think it’s very difficult for women to do that in general, because very often we try to create harmony at our own expense. Because if your value is peace and inclusion, sometimes that’s what falls away in order to achieve it. And so really understanding that balance — that we matter too, that I matter too — it’s a vulnerable thing to do. Because then you’re going to really find out who you really are, who your friends really are. Would I be liked if I say “no”? And, Will I like me if everyone else says “no”? My answer is “yes.” It wasn’t before; now it is.