Joy In Caregiving

Physical activity. Get moving, and make it fun. I made the effort to keep Dad swimming as long as he could, and that helped me stay fit, too. What else? There’s dancing — even chair dancing (move those arms!) — or you can try tossing a ball back and forth, marching, and yoga breathing and poses. Even a short walk to the mailbox can change a mood.

Games. Think about games your loved ones can play, like familiar card games, board games or word games (my parents always had fun with Mad Libs). Charades can be doable even for those with communication disorders. Work on crossword puzzles and jigsaw puzzles together, or even play “I spy….” Games can help pass time in a waiting room and distract from boredom or pain.

Celebrations and holidays. Make any excuse for a party. Celebrate all anniversaries and birthdays. Every holiday, whether it’s Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day or the first day of spring, offers the opportunity to decorate their home or room (my family has headgear and jewelry for all holidays — just for fun). Also celebrate accomplishments from small things like a successful shower or fastening their own buttons to large things like getting out of the hospital. Celebrations can be marked by a “Congratulations!” sign, a full-blown party or a big hug and a happy dance.

Humor. Just be silly. Laugh at yourself, tell jokes, retell old family stories, watch funny movies or videos on YouTube, read funny stories. Have a wheelchair race or put your glasses on upside down. Laugh about the everyday mistakes and foibles we all experience (like when I forgot to give Dad his false teeth and didn’t realize it until we were out at a ball game. He just smiled, made a funny face and laughed it off). 

Nature. For many people, simple nature brings the most joy. Bring fresh flowers, or visit a garden or nursery. You can also plant flowers, walk outside, build a snowman, cuddle up with a pet, watch an animal play or go for a car ride to see the spring blooms, the snow or the fall leaves. 

Home videos and scrapbooks. Put the old home movies on DVD or digitize them, and watch them together. If your loved ones don’t have scrapbooks, make some together — just sorting through old photos can be fun. Use your camera phone, too — take snapshots and selfies and share them, or look at family and friends’ photos on social media sites.

Intergenerational exchanges. Bring children and elders together for a visit. Holding or even just seeing a baby can bring great joy. Ask a grandchild to read a book aloud or recite a poem he or she memorized. Grandkids can also teach elders how to use a computer or smartphone. Ask a grandparent to share a hobby or teach the younger generation how to bake a pie, clean properly or build something. 

Massage and other bodywork. A simple hand, foot or neck massage brings joy. Try it with scented lotion, such as lavender to soothe, or lemon or grapefruit to energize. A masseuse comes to our house once a week for Dad, and that massage is the happiest time for him.

Notice the inherent joy in every day. Make an effort to be mindful of the joy that you might be missing when your mind is racing and your tension rages . The memory of Mom’s smile as I tucked her in bed every night will forever bring me joy. The small victories like Dad brushing his teeth by himself. The “Thank you, sweets” from Dad when I adjust his pillow. Dad tapping his toes under the blanket as he listens to music. Don’t miss a precious subtle moment.

Being creative and open to the humorous, joyful moments will help you face the tougher aspects of caregiving. You might consider keeping a “joy journal” and noting the joyful moments. They will bring you comfort in the future.