AARP Hearing Center
By David Hochman
llustrations by Patrick Leger
Published June 07, 2024
Family & Relationships
How One Woman Found Happiness in Midlife – and You Can Too
Discover how Mary uses practical, research-tested strategies to start flourishing
Mary is a fictional character representing older Americans, but the advice she follows here is based on science and facts. For more ways to find meaning and joy in your own life, go to aarp.org/gethappy.
Chapter 1: Mary's Struggle
MARY GONZALEZ-LEWIS, 60, SITS IN HER HOME ON A STORMY DAY, FEELING LIKE SO MANY OF US—FED UP WITH MISERABLE HEADLINES, WORRIED ABOUT WHAT’S COMING NEXT, AND WONDERING IF SHE’LL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO GET BY WITHOUT HAVING TO LEAN ON FAMILY OR WHITE-KNUCKLE IT ALONG. ISN’T THIS SUPPOSED TO BE “THE HAPPIEST TIME IN LIFE”?
This roof has as many holes as my retirement plan.
IT’S NOT EASY BEING A PARENT, EVEN WITH A GROWNUP KID.
WORK STRESS ISN’T HELPING HER SENSE OF CONTENTMENT AND EASE.
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I can’t keep working for this idiot forever.
AND NOW A HEALTH SCARE!
Wait, are you kidding me right now?
Chapter 2: Hungry for Change
MARY ARRIVES AT THE OFFICE OF HER COUSIN CANDACE, A BEHAVIORAL THERAPIST. SHE KNOWS HOW IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS ARE AND THAT EXPRESSING YOURSELF IS BETTER THAN SUFFERING IN SILENCE—EVEN THOUGH BEING VULNERABLE CAN BE REALLY CHALLENGING.
Oh, Cousin, thank you for seeing me. I didn’t know where else to turn.
Mary, the stress you’re feeling is completely valid, and it’s important to acknowledge it. Now, let’s talk about some practical techniques that can help you find a bit of calm.
First, breathe … think 4-7-8: in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds. Repeat.
Improving yourself by learning something new is one of the best ways to feel more vibrant and in control of life as you age, experts say.
Also, progressive muscle relaxation can be very helpful. You tense various muscle groups one at a time as you breathe in, then relax them as you breathe out. It can release a lot of the tension you’re carrying.
Remember, you now have some tools to help you feel better. But it starts with being kind to yourself.
You’re truly a lifesaver, Cuz!
Chapter 3: Mary’s Midlife Emergency Kit
A WEEK LATER, MARY VISITS WITH HER BEST FRIEND, ELSA, WHO IS EAGER TO HEAR ABOUT THE NEW HABITS OF MIND AND BEHAVIOR THAT MARY IS PUTTING INTO PLACE IN HER LIFE.
My cousin told me to write down three funny things I notice every day, since that simple practice seems to work for some people. Or so she says.
Who knew you could find anything funny about getting a biopsy?
I even laughed about my stupid boss.
Hi, Mary, I’m Dr. Needleman.
This sales presentation is super important. Hold my calls.
You’re gonna do great!
Let’s go, Elsa! I read that exercise isn’t just for people Heather’s age. Anything to get the body moving can really help with stress. And it’s working a bit, I think.
Hey, wait for me!
Oh, this is better, El. There’s even a name for it: ‘savoring.’
Ooh, look at that butterfly!
Don’t make fun of me, you dork.
People in another research study who took note of positive things on a daily 20-minute walk felt significantly happier after just one week.
THAT EVENING, MARY IS STILL EAGER TO GROW AND LEARN.
I always love your place, Elsa. I wish my space could feel like yours.
Huh?
Can I live more hygge?
You sure can!
Chapter 4: Simple Fixes, Big Payoffs
TWO WEEKS HAVE PASSED, AND MARY IS EMBRACING HYGGE AT HOME: A FUZZY BLANKET, SOME NEW CANDLES, SOME NEW HEAVY SHADES ON THE WINDOWS. IT FEELS LIKE A NEW SPACE.
Wow, small changes really can make a difference.
THOSE HAPPINESS TIPS REALLY WORK
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Pick experiences over stuff.
BACK AT THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE
Fascinating. Happiness researchers say that five acts of kindness on a single day, once per week for six weeks, deliver increased happiness over that period.
Why not start today?
Scientists have found that not only do acts of kindness boost happiness, they improve brain and heart health—and even increase your longevity.
WALKING HOME ...
Chapter 5: Seeking Financial and Health Advice
MARY, DETERMINED AND PROACTIVE, VISITS A FINANCIAL PLANNER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HER LIFE. AND WHY NOT? RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT PEOPLE TYPICALLY REGRET THE THINGS THEY DIDN’T DO MORE THAN THE THINGS THEY DID. NO FOMO FOR HER!
Honestly, I hate thinking about money and budgeting, but I know I can’t keep ignoring it.
A budget is telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.
I put this off for so long. But getting clarity on my finances gives me peace of mind.
Americans with a more detailed financial plan are about three times as likely to report greater happiness in money matters, including goal setting, debt, net worth and financial allies.
Let’s maximize your retirement plan contributions. At age 50 or older, you can make catch-up contributions to retirement accounts, such as 401(k)s and IRAs. For 2024, the limits of these contributions have substantially increased!
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Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but a confident gesture of strength.
THE NEXT DAY AT DR. NEEDLEMAN’S WITH HEATHER
You’re going to be ok.
I’m going to be ok.
Chapter 6: From Floundering to Flourishing
A FEW MONTHS INTO HER SELF-IMPROVEMENT JOURNEY, MARY REFLECTS ON THE SOURCES OF HER NEWFOUND WELL-BEING: NURTURING RELATIONSHIPS, EXPRESSING HERSELF GENUINELY, CONTRIBUTING TO THE WELL-BEING OF OTHERS, EMBRACING OPPORTUNITIES WITH A “YES,” EXPERIMENTING WITH NEW EXPERIENCES AND CHERISHING THE POSITIVE.
Making connections helps change your life.
Sorry, I don’t work on weekends anymore.
I’ll never forget this, Mama.
Me neither, baby. Me neither.
ALWAYS LOOKING FORWARD
Imagine your ideal future. Hold that vision and take steps toward it every day. Flourishing isn’t a destination but a way of being.
Life is good, if you allow it to be.
David Hochman is a longtime contributing editor for AARP The Magazine and AARP Bulletin. His bylines appear in The New York Times, Forbes, GQ, Food & Wine and many other publications.
Patrick Leger is an illustrator and animation designer based in New York. His work has been published by The New Yorker, The Washington Post, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, HarperCollins and Random House.
