Taking You Longer to Get Turned On?

An old joke asks: "What's the one word a woman can count on to sexually arouse a man?"

Follow these tips to stay excited about lovemaking after 50.

Randy Faris/CORBIS

The punchline: "Hello."

The joke is apt for men under 40 — youngsters who feel horny much of the time and tend to get aroused quickly. (Remember them days?) But as we men age, arousal takes longer. It may even become problematic. So here are six ways to stay excited about the horizontal tango:

1. Understand why things have changed. Blame it on evolution: The biological mission of life is to reproduce life. Over the eons, humans evolved to take full advantage of their reproductive opportunities. That's why young men are hot to trot. After age 50 or so, however, the nervous system becomes less excitable, and erotic urgency cools. At a certain point, even once-randy billy goats may have this inconceivable thought: Gee, I don't want to — I'm not turned on.

Whereas women stop producing eggs at menopause, men can father children at any age. That doesn't make sex a slam dunk after 50, though; erections may become iffy, and arousal is no longer automatic. In short, it takes work. As a 66-year-old friend mentioned recently, "She wanted to, and I enjoy it with her, but I just couldn't work up to it."

2. Realize that erection drugs have no effect on arousal. In young men, arousal and erection are synonymous. After 50, by contrast, things change: An older man can want sex and feel aroused without getting an erection, or he may get an erection but not feel aroused.

This decoupling confounds many men (understandably!). Some seek relief through erection drugs, believing that if the mechanics are in place, the motive will be, too. They pop the pill, then feel betrayed when it doesn't make them feel turned on. Here's why: Erection medications simply boost blood flow into the penis. They have no effect on arousal, which is subjective. That's one reason why more than half of men who get an initial prescription for an erectile dysfunction drug never refill it.

3. Savor the build. Psychologically, there's a good reason to wrap a gift: The time it takes to unwrap it builds anticipation and adds zing to both the giving and the receiving. Looking forward to sex likewise heightens arousal. That's why sex therapists urge couples who have progressed a bit beyond the hot-and-heavy stage to make sex dates in advance: When older adults wait to feel spontaneously aroused, sex may not happen. (Here's one form of "gift-wrapping the present" that's almost certain to arouse an older man: Take your honey lingerie shopping.)