How to Protect Yourself From Theft and Fraud From Someone You Know

Millions of Americans 60+ lose billions of dollars each year

Amy Freeman,

AARP Experience Counts

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En español

Published October 05, 2023

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The statistics are grim: An AARP study finds that adults over 60 lose a reported $28.3 billion each year to scams and fraud. Shockingly, nearly three-quarters of that theft — $20.3 billion — is at the hands of a friend, family member or caregiver. What does that selfish act even look like? What can you do to help protect yourself and the people around you? And what should you do if you suspect fraud? Three women shared their stories, lessons and expertise.

Janet Rae-Dupree’s experience is a painful lesson in prevention. Her 87-year-old father’s problems began — unbeknownst to anyone — when Rae-Dupree and her sisters hired a friend of a friend to help him out for a few hours each week. The woman quickly wormed deep into his life: “In time, she became Dad’s rock. He didn’t feel as if he could do anything without her.” She began to handle his bills, including writing checks for him to sign.

With no family nearby, the caregiver’s actions went unchecked. “She used Dad’s debit card to take out big chunks of cash each week, pay for her mom’s remodel, pet supplies, her own clothing, and ultimately persuaded him to ‘loan’ her money for a pickup truck so she could keep coming to him.”

When Rae-Dupree finally uncovered the caregiver’s actions, her father refused to go to the police. A prominent probate attorney, he was ashamed that he’d been defrauded. When his next aide took out a credit card with Rae-Dupree’s father as guarantor — and then stopped paying the bill — he finally agreed to report both crimes to the police. Ultimately, he died before charges could be filed against either scammer.

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Paula Coomer’s elderly father, while developing dementia, was victimized by a family member who constantly proposed plans that would let her father “get rich, quick.” The schemes, buying and selling art and antiques, also included reselling clothing pilfered from donation boxes in affluent neighborhoods. “The outcome was always the same. Nothing materialized,” Coomer says. The family member walked away with $20,000. When Coomer’s father died, he was surviving on food donations. Coomer thinks her father was embarrassed, knowing he was victimized but not wanting to admit it.

Both women share important lessons about protecting family from deceptive caregivers. Rae-Dupree says families need to make sure to hire a bonded, licensed in-home aide so they have legal recourse if trouble arises. Second, make sure there are multiple caregivers on the scene to avoid creating unhealthy dependencies.

Coomer suggests family members get themselves onto their elders’ bank accounts, so they can vet statements monthly.

“Be on the lookout for small but frequent draws,” she says, noting that she has since learned that schemers sometimes siphon money slowly to avoid attention. Serving as a financial power of attorney can also give family members clearer insight into the seniors’ spending.

Holly Garcia, a financial fraud investigator for a major bank, understands how powerfully shame affected Rae-Dupree’s and Coomer’s parents. She says that the victim’s emotions can make already bad situations worse.

“As a caretaker, you’ll also come to understand that older adults might experience internalized feelings of shame and embarrassment when they realize they’ve been had,” she says. “Although it’s nothing to be ashamed about, sometimes older adults feel like they should have known better, or don’t want to admit that something has happened.”

She urges families to lay out groundwork ahead of any problems: “Having regular, open conversations about the fact that we live in a world where scams happen can play a huge role in reducing those negative feelings.”

So what should you do first if you think you or someone else may have been targeted? Garcia says get a third-party opinion. An uninvolved read of a hazy situation, particularly where trust may have been abused, can help indicate malfeasance.

If the fraud involves something financial, you should contact your bank or credit card company immediately. “They can file claims, reimburse applicable fees and transactions and get details regarding the activity,” Garcia says. She notes that financial institutions not only want to help families avoid future scams, they also want to become more aware of schemes overall so they can support other customers.

As a final step, Garcia recommends filing a police report: “Not always, but sometimes, investigations will follow. Quite often, [the scam] is part of a larger pattern in your community.”

Regardless of an investigation’s occurrence or outcome, Garcia urges awareness of potential emotional fallout: “Please remember, this happens to a lot of people. There is no shame or embarrassment, and it isn’t your fault, it’s the person who has done the swindling that is the problem.”

Share your experience: Has someone you know targeted you or a loved one? What did you do about it?

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Amy Freeman has written for The Washington Post, Parents.com, HuffPost, X-R-A-Y Lit and Taco Bell Quarterly. She is development director for The Writer’s Center in Bethesda, Maryland. You can check out her slightly dusty portfolio at AmyLFreeman.com.

How to Protect Yourself From Theft and Fraud From Someone You Know

Millions of Americans 60+ lose billions of dollars each year

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