AARP Hearing Center
Several months ago I attended a benefit for a nonprofit organization devoted to storytelling. The Moth holds events around the country where brave souls stand at the mic—without notes—and share true stories about their lives. No matter the size of their tale, each person gets only 12 minutes, max, to speak. Storytellers must carefully select which details to share and which to shed, creating a narrative with the most impact.
We do this in everyday life, too, building a dramatic arc for ourselves based on the elements of our lives we choose to focus on and the ones we gloss over. This doesn't just influence the story we present to the world; it shapes how we feel about ourselves.
It's crucial to concentrate on the elements of our story that summon the emotions we want to feel. Data shows that ruminating (repeatedly dwelling on negative, painful experiences) exacerbates a negative mood, making it more difficult to take action to turn things around, and resulting in the very thing you don't want—more negative, painful experiences!
Case in point: Several years back I had an initial consult with a woman who wanted to figure out how to reinvent her career. Every time I suggested an action she could take, I was met with a litany of misfortunes—a job loss five years ago where she had been unfairly treated, financial problems that limited her access to career advice (never mind that she was on the phone, for free, with a high-priced expert), a downed tree in her yard that was taking all her attention. She was so focused on telling her woe-is-me story, she completely missed an opportunity for help in getting her life back on track.
Don't let this be you! If you've noticed that you're telling too many sad stories, here's a quick three-point plan to turn things around.
