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Welcome to Ethels Tell All, where the writers behind The Ethel newsletter share their personal stories related to the joys and challenges of aging. Come back each Wednesday for the latest piece, exclusively on AARP Members Edition.
My ears were burning after listening to my friend on the phone. For a solid hour, fueled by wine on what was supposed to be a long-distance catch-up call, she blasted the woman her only son married about a year ago. “I hate my daughter-in-law,” she said. “And please don’t tell me I don’t mean that.”
I mostly listened and didn’t tell her that. My friend’s three children are all married, and she is a grandmother several times over. Her son is the baby of the family, and from what she said, I gather he’s enjoyed a special place in his mother’s heart. I didn’t recall her ever having a negative word to say about him.
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So what was the daughter-in-law’s crime that brought on my friend’s fury and wrath? “She’s stopped trying to fit in with our family,” my friend said. More specifically, she stopped coming to Sunday dinners.
Once a week since forever, the family all gathers around my friend’s table. It’s a modified potluck, with my friend providing the main course — generally a meat lasagna, BBQ ribs or a beef stew. Her DIL is vegan; the rest of the family is not. What my friend sees as an “entitled woman who expects others to cater to her” could also be someone tired of eating a salad she makes and brings for herself every Sunday night.
But that’s not all. The DIL also has asked her to stop buying her holiday and birthday gifts and instead make a donation to a charity of her choice. “How rude is that?” My friend was foaming at the mouth at this point. “Imagine telling someone what to buy you as a present. I love picking things out for people and she wants to deny me that joy!”
I offered that her DIL must feel well-provided for and, like many of us, really doesn’t want more stuff. But before I could get the words out, my friend said, “Oh! And she told me she only used certain brands that were ethically produced ... whatever ‘ethically produced’ even means.”
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