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Welcome to Ethels Tell All, where the writers behind The Ethel newsletter share their personal stories related to the joys and challenges of aging. Come back each Wednesday for the latest piece, exclusively on AARP Members Edition.
Two years ago, I dated a married man for six months. I don’t think anyone ever plans to have an affair, but in this case, I didn’t even know I was having one.
He told me he was going through a divorce, and that might have been a half-truth. Certainly, he and his wife were having problems. Having been through a divorce myself, and freshly out of a breakup that was even more crippling than that split had been, I empathized, more than I should have. I have never dated much, and I was pretty naive. I was also looking for someone to commiserate with, a shoulder to cry on. Sleeping together was the last thing on my mind.
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We connected online, and the first time we met in person, I felt zero attraction to him. But we kept texting and talking, and I warmed up to his personality. Eventually, he said he wanted to take me on a real date, and we had such a good time that I invited him over afterward. I was ready to go all the way, but he seemed too nervous, which confused me.
That, like a lot of things, made sense after he called me one night the weekend before Valentine’s Day to break the plans we had just made. He told me he couldn’t see me at all anymore because his wife “found out.” I was audibly confused — “Found out what?” Then his wife, on speakerphone, broke in and started firing questions at me.
It was one of the most humiliating moments of my life. This man had dragged me into a Jerry Springer episode without my knowledge and definitely without my consent. We had discussed it, and he knew I would not have seen him if I’d known he was still married or reconciling. He used to send me real estate listings of places he was supposedly looking at moving into, and we spent time together on holidays. I bought his kid a Christmas gift (that he must have claimed as his own to avoid suspicion from his wife).
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