Hiring a Dating Coach Could Rev Up Your Love Life

He had heard about men’s dating coach Connell Barrett, author of the book Dating Sucks, But You Don’t: The Modern Guy's Guide to Total Confidence, Romantic Connection, and Finding the Perfect Partner. Barrett works mostly with men on the more introverted side with limited dating experience and little confidence in themselves as dating material.

Edford signed up for Barrett’s eight-week program, which meant he had daily access to Barrett via text six days a week, as well as one-on-one phone calls once or twice a week, and weekly lessons.   

Having a dating coach has helped Edford think less and act more. "Picture a guy sitting next to a girl trying to figure out the best moment to go in for the first kiss," says Edford. "We talked about how it's better to just go for it, even if it doesn't work out, than just sit there waiting for a ‘perfect moment." 

Barrett even offers real time dating advice — accompanying his clients to bars and other public places as a sort of professional wingman.

"My client Ken and I were at the Museum of Modern Art a couple years ago. He saw a stylish woman studying a Matisse. I had him approach her and say, 'Wow. I’ve never seen a work of art looking at a work of art.'"

Her face lit up. “Kinda cheesy, but I like it,” she said. And they had a great conversation.

Another helpful tip Edford says he got from Barrett: If you’re using online apps, go for ones that are better for older adults.

Doing the homework

Liz Robb, a 65-year-old community college assistant professor who lives in Southport, Connecticut, says she was "exasperated" with dating.

"It was just a matter of not clicking with any of the men," she says. "Some were rude and some were just weird, and I was not attracted to any of them. There was no chemistry."

She found Copeland during an online search for dating coaches, and realized she’d been in a string of relationships with "narcissistic little boys," Robb says.

What Robb calls "the defining moment" in her work with Copeland was filling out Copeland’s "Quality Man Template." After every date, Robb had to answer essential questions she’d formulated with Copeland’s help about how she felt about the man. Was he nice? Did she have fun or feel stressed? Was he boring or entertaining?

Copeland also helped Robb on how to set up a great online profile. 

Robb worked with Copeland for about 18 months before meeting a man named Gus, whom she married in April 2022. "I was just always on the wrong road and she kept redirecting me," Robb says. "You just don’t know what you don’t know."

How to choose the right dating coach

Get recommendations and check online reviews. Try to parse out legitimate dating coaches from money-hungry marketers who pretend to be coaches, advises relationship expert Susan Winter, by getting a recommendation from a friend.

Winter, who hosts a series of YouTube videos called "Dating Games," also suggests checking online reviews on sites like Yelp, Google and the Better Business Bureau to vet potential coaches. Both these steps are key, she says, as dating coaches aren’t required to have any specific training or qualifications.

Pay attention to what dating coaches emphasize. Winter, who has worked with about 6,500 clients and is based in Manhattan, says when you meet with a potential coach, the good ones will ask questions about yourself such as “Have you observed underlying patterns that are working against your romantic goals?” and not put the focus on why you might need someone by your side with questions like “Aren’t you tired of dinners alone?”

Make sure your experience is personalized. A lot of dating coaches have started working with groups to scale their business, says Barrett. But he believes that one-size-fits-all model doesn’t adequately address people’s individual struggles. "Singles don't need one recipe—they need a cookbook," says Barrett.

What’s the cost? 

First thing to note, if price isn’t readily available, that’s a red flag, says Winter, who also suggests avoiding any place that asks for your income before they give you a price. "The lack of transparency is a strong indicator that this is a marketer who is more interested in selling their product than on your results."

Winter charges $500 for a 45-minute Zoom/cell meeting, $650 for an hourlong Zoom/cell meeting, and $2,100 for a three-hour, in-person meeting including lunch.

Rinaldi-Braund says her six-week program with Palmer was $1,000. Palmer says she charges anywhere from $49 for online self-study programs to $6,000 for one-on-one private coaching sessions. Rinaldi-Braund says she had to go on a budget for a while — stop going out to dinner with friends, buying new outfits. But she says it was worth it for her “whole different life,” adding that it "really played off beautifully for me."

Barrett charges between $5,000 and $12,000 for one-on-one coaching, over eight to 12 weeks. Clients pay more if they want in-person, real-time coaching. 

Copeland has do-it-yourself programs ranging from $47 to $997, as well as one-on-one and group coaching programs that she prices based on an individual's specific needs, she says.

It’s ultimately about your effort

Paying someone to help point out your weak spots in the romance department is "not a magic pill" for finding a partner, says Edford. It’s about putting in the work. "You still have to go out there and do the thing to hopefully get the results."

But knowing where to put that effort can help. "No one teaches us how to date, especially in a way that leads to love and healthy relationships,” says Palmer. A dating coach helps you look at yourself and your potential partners in new ways, [calling] out your self-sabotaging patterns, and [teaching] your tangible communication and connection skills.