No Power, Water or Internet. What I Learned Caregiving for My Mother During Our 13-Day Power Outage

I also wisely reached out for help because I knew my own brain and emotions were frazzled by the outage. So, when Mom began doubling over in pain, I called our next-door neighbors, both nurses, to check on Mom before we went to the ER. They not only explained why it was necessary, but helped us determine which hospital to visit and checked wait times. They also assisted us in packing a quick overnight bag with pjs, medicines and toiletries in case Mom needed to be admitted.

We were also lucky that she had enough of her medication on hand, and that we were able to get the pain medication she needed after the first visit. All CVS stores, for instance, were out of narcotics, and other pharmacies were low on, or out of, insulin, according to a list the discharge nurse provided us. 

But I outsource too much emotional support to others. As with so many mothers and daughters, ours is a loving but at times fraught relationship. Mom’s struggles with depression make her hard to engage with, especially because even at her best she’s not someone who seeks out fun. She’s not much for jokes; she’s never liked word or board games. A perfectionist with OCD, she’s always got a critical eye on everything. And when she’s upset, it’s hard to bear the brunt of her anger. (Especially when she has a point.) 

I’ve therefore allowed everyone from pundits on streaming services to family members and friends to keep her company. But during the power outage, those voices were mostly silenced. Thanks to our neighbors, who would charge our devices daily using their generator, and our cell service, Mom could still talk to people when her insomnia kept her up at night. However, she would emerge from the bedroom each morning worked up about something. One day, she showed me pages of calculations in her notebook and insisted I help her track every penny of her retirement portfolio, convinced she had lost thousands of dollars and determined to fire her longtime financial advisor. It took half the day (and used up both battery life and my cell phone’s personal hotspot),but I’m glad I did it. Not only was she reassured afterwards, but it was also a powerful reminder that she worries not for her financial future — but for mine.

The storm also gave me more time — or, rather, less online distraction — to just sit with her. Listen as she complained of her pain or wondered why we still didn’t have power. And most importantly, just hug her more and tell her I love her. Give her full, undivided attention and share a bit more of my day. Since power has returned, I’ve been working nonstop, reporting on the storm. But I am still trying to spend more one-on-one time with her throughout the day, even if it is just for a few minutes at a clip.

I (mostly) did well to get her out of the house. Without the internet or television, Mom had no context for the true destruction Hurricane Helene had wrought. So, I drove her and my stepfather out of the neighborhood — friendly neighbors had chopped up the giant tree that fell across the road at the bottom of our mountain, so it was passable — and showed her the lines of cars for gas, the chunk of a road that the water had swept away, the downed trees and power lines. 

I even took her to our local black cat rescue to play with some kitties in the cat lounge before we went over to our neighbors’ house for dinner. Mom is on her brightest behavior around them, so we also made sure to have them over for an early meal of frozen casserole (cooked on our gas stove) that would have spoiled before long. When they returned the favor by having us over for mini burgers on the grill, it only reaffirmed the importance of bringing Mom out to see other people. 

My only regret is that I ignored her insistence that she was fine sitting on the hard floor of the cat lounge. I suspect the surface contributed to the pain causing her ER visit. Next time, I should listen to my gut. 

Looking forward, we definitely need to be more prepared. We’re very lucky that the power came back on right when the weather started to get colder. At only 84 pounds, Mom has no natural insulation. The first thing we did (after flushing toilets!) was turn on the heat. 

We’ve already agreed that we need to get a generator in case our power goes out during the winter. We signed up for Starlink so that we have an alternative to our regular internet in case that goes out again. And while Mom is good about knowing her medications, having a clear laminated list on hand is probably smart. 

Most of all, the storm made me realize how much caring for my mother helps me, too. She cared for me so much as a chronically ill child it’s a gift to be able to do the same for her. Even when I’m frustrated, it’s not because she’s a burden — as she keeps saying — it’s because I feel sadness when I can’t help her feel better, physically or emotionally.

If it was hard enough for us, I can’t imagine how it is for other older adults and their caregivers who lost homes, businesses, or loved ones. It’s another reminder how lucky I am to still have my mom not just around but with me, as we both grow old(er) together.