The Ins and Outs of Mask Etiquette

"It's all in your tone of voice,” says Diane Gottsman, an etiquette expert and owner of the Protocol School of Texas, who recommends saying something along the lines of, “I'm so glad you were able to come. I'm making sure everyone wears a mask to keep us safe and comfortable.” Then, offer the guest a disposable mask from your own supply (and yes, be sure to have those extras handy).

Situation #2: You're a guest

If your host doesn't bring up the topic of mask-wearing before you arrive, then by all means broach the subject yourself. If you don't feel comfortable with what you hear, beg off with a polite, “I really appreciate the invitation. But I'm staying close to home for now.” “You'll feel better about yourself for not compromising your own boundaries,” Gottsman says.

If you forget to ask, you can ask in the moment. Michael Durand, 73, and his wife, Marlene Zarfes, 64, of New Rochelle, New York, wore masks to a recent backyard dinner with friends. But after they settled into their seats outside, safely 6 feet from the other couple, Durand asked whether anyone would mind if he removed his face covering. His hosts gave him their blessing and the group remained without masks while seated.

"If they said they preferred we keep our masks on, I would have agreed,” he says. “The key here is to be respectful of everyone's concerns and respect the science.”

So what if you arrive at a party where others aren't complying with the given rules? Your next step depends on how well acquainted you are. It's fine to approach those you know well directly, gently pointing out their lack of a mask. For guests you've only just met, take the host aside and ask for help. But if you don't feel comfortable at any point, “It's absolutely OK to leave,” says Daniel Post Senning, an etiquette expert at the Emily Post Institute.

As for your goodbyes, keep them short and to the point, Senning says. As in: “Thanks for having us. We're leaving a bit early because we're taking masks and social distancing guidelines very seriously."

Situation #3: You're dealing with strangers

The rules are different when you're out and about in public and concerns arise. Though your first impulse may be to speak up, experts say don't engage. You don't know how strangers will react to something like a request to actually put on the mask dangling around their neck. What's more, speaking up is not necessarily your responsibility, says Senning. “You have to take control over what you can control,” he says, “and the thing you have the most control over is your own behavior, not the behavior of others.”

If you feel you must say something for health reasons, do so in a way that doesn't assume bad intentions on the stranger's part. Take Laurie Weingart, 57. During a recent drive back to Pittsburgh from Atlanta with her twentysomething daughter, they stopped at a fast-food restaurant. They were both taken aback when the server behind the counter had on a mask — perched under her nose. When Weingart asked the woman to adjust the face covering, the server explained that it was too loose and wouldn't stay up, even providing a demonstration.

Weingart ended up putting in an order and leaving as quickly as she could. Her daughter, who is a public health researcher, immediately left the restaurant. “Her area of specialty informed her response,” Weingart says.

Situation # 4: You're at work

On the job, speaking up depends on whose behavior you're concerned about. But before you say anything to anyone, be clear about your workplace's policy requiring masks.

From there, if a colleague isn't wearing a mask in an area where one is mandated, you can directly ask him or her to follow the rules and put one on. With your boss, however, you may need to be more careful with your wording, says Jessica Lieffring, an etiquette expert and founder of the consulting and training firm The Polite Society.

Lieffring recommends saying something that emphasizes the reason for your concern, like, “I'd really feel more comfortable if you would wear a mask. I'm at a higher risk of having complications should I get this virus and need to be extra careful.” If you're uncomfortable doing so, you could also ask your human resources department for help with the situation.