The Rise of the Older Mom: ‘It’s Never Too Late to Become a Mother’

And whatever path older mothers take, they have a chance at breastfeeding too, says Kathleen McCue, a family nurse practitioner and international board-certified lactation consultant based in Bethesda, Maryland, who helps induce lactation in non-biological mothers.​​ “I’ve seen a ton of older moms coming in for this,” she says. ​​Reproductive organs aren’t needed to make milk, says McCue: “As long as someone has a functioning pituitary gland, we can induce lactation. ... The quality of the milk is the same.”

​Debbie Fenton, who lives in Perinton, New York, went through nearly five years of fertility treatments to become a first-time mother, finding success with the more aggressive and expensive process of in vitro fertilization — the most effective form of assisted reproductive technology to become a first-time mother, according to the Mayo Clinic. ​ ​

​Fenton wound up giving birth to triplets — Neptune, Jordan and Kariana — at age 46.​ ​

“It’s quite a whirlwind, I’ll tell you that,” says the 62-year-old massage therapist and yoga teacher.​ ​

Fenton, one of nine children, had always wanted to be a mother, and she revels in seeing her kids’ individual strengths and challenges. She has, however, had to navigate emotions around the age gap between herself and other parents of high school students.​ ​

“I’ve tried not to compare myself with other moms, but it has been a little tough because I'm literally 20 years older than most of them,” she says. “Initially I felt awkward and embarrassed.”​ ​

These days when people assume that she and her 73-year-old husband, Dave, are the grandparents, they set the record straight: “We just laugh it off and say, ‘We’re old enough to be, but we’re not.’ They get embarrassed, but we tell them, ‘Don’t be. We got a late start in this game.’ ”​ ​

​​Pros and cons of being an older mom​ ​

Educational psychologist Michele Borba, based in Palm Springs, California, has seen older moms parenting young children while simultaneously caregiving for their parents, which can make for a bumpy balancing act.​​

Other potential hardships may include dealing with reduced energy levels and struggling with increasing health challenges.​ ​

That said, “There is no rule on the perfect age to have a child,” Borba says.​ ​

In fact, while older mothers may experience a fear of missing out on major life events in the future — weddings, grandchildren — the odds of longevity for women, defined as living to age 90, increase the older their age when giving birth to their first child, according to a 2016 study from researchers at the Department of Family Medicine and Public Health at the UC San Diego School of Medicine. ​ ​

“That is a plus when you have your friends, relatives and work colleagues telling you that you’re not going to be around to see your child grow up,” says Newman, who gave birth to a son at age 40. ​ ​

Borba has seen older moms show more patience handling tantrums, picky eaters, bedtime battles and other everyday parenting issues.​ ​

“Less-stressed, happier moms raise less-stressed, happier kids — the key to resilience and helping children thrive,” says Borba, author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reason Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine. “And that's exactly why we should halt our judging. Every mom — at every age — needs a cheerleader.”​