A New Generation Gap: How Couples Pay the Bills

While Emily was in grad school, Tiffany’s income was higher. Still, they sought to balance expenses.  “When looking for apartments, we stay within a feasible range for an even split,” Emily said. That doesn’t mean dogged adherence to 50-50, though. Emily said that “if things get tough, [Tiffany] will take on more of the joint expenses.” So far, that hasn’t happened.

Joint accounts

While some of the older couples kept individual accounts, all reported joint savings accounts, meaning both people put money into one account for shared expenses and goals.  

“Right now, our main joint goals are college for our kids and retirement,” Kerry explained. “College expenses come out of our joint accounts and we both contribute the same percentage of our individual income to our retirement accounts.”

The younger couples, however, told a different story. None wanted a joint account. They collaborate on financial goals but only conversationally. Zach offered a darker reason for not opening a joint savings account: “We discuss larger goals, but honestly, we’re millennials and we don’t necessarily expect to ever be able to afford a home or to retire.”

Expenses

The generational disparity also appeared in expenses. The older couples described “throwing money into one pot.”

“We review our budget quarterly, to limit surprises,” Margaret said, adding that while it is a critical chore, the review may not be fun, so they include a line item for dinner out when the accounting is finished.

The younger couples keep separate accounts, look at what’s due and use apps to send each other money for rent and other big-ticket items.

“We each have our own sets of bills, divided somewhat arbitrarily,” Zach said. “I Venmo Steph my portion of the rent every month. As long as things seem manageable, we don’t really reevaluate the details."

​Neither of the younger couples drew bright lines about who pays which expenses. Emily, for instance, pays the electric bill and internet, while Tiffany handles phone and streaming services. But they level those in a way that feels equitable despite their income disparity.

I guess I’m old school. To me, talking through expenses before clicking “place order” sounds practical, and avoids nasty surprises, but all the couples were surprised when I asked about a cap on how much to spend without consulting their partner. Older couples said they do have amounts in their heads over which they would ping the other person. Those sums ranged between $100 and $1,000, but neither of the younger couples agreed. They reported trusting each other’s decision-making, rather than wanting a chat, and Emily questioned if I was suggesting partners ask “permission” before spending.

Debt

As for credit card, student and other debt, the couples all agreed that they tackled whatever debt they had when they entered the relationship and didn’t take help. Candice called the lack of debt when they met – and since – “a shiny point” because they realize how uncommon that is these days.

“We … try to instill in our children how freeing that can be — more choices, happier, more flexibility,” she said.

It may be overstating it to say I saw a sense of shared enterprise in the older couples and a search for equity among the younger ones, but what mattered to all, as it should in any relationship, was an effort to find flexibility and trust.

Share Your Experience: How do you divvy up household expenses? Do you consult with your partner before making a high-dollar purchase?