Helping Older Adults Accept Caregiving Support at Home

Strategy for overcoming it

Reframe the concept of independence to reflect “that everyone is dependent on each other in some way,” Lindquist says. From the time we’re born until the time we die, most people depend on others to some extent. It’s a matter of relative independence and autonomy, in other words.

Reason for reluctance: Not wanting to be a burden on others

Focus group participants feared that asking for help would burden their loved ones who already have plenty to do; some even felt it would be degrading to have to ask. It’s a common refrain: In a previous study, researchers from the University of Pennsylvania found that older adults often express concerns about not wanting to burden their adult children and complicate their busy lives. 

Strategy for overcoming it

Acknowledge that letting other people help you gives them satisfaction and joy, so you’re essentially contributing to their well-being. That alone makes it easier to accept help. But when you need to ask for it, “the challenge is to get past that first time,” Lindquist notes. “It’s like dating. Once you get past that first time, it’s easier.”

Reason for reluctance: Lack of trust

Some people were concerned that by accepting home-based care, they could be taken advantage of or exploited by their helpers. Others worried that they wouldn’t know whom to trust and that that would make them vulnerable.

Strategy for overcoming it

Think of yourself as in the driver’s seat because you can interview multiple people, ask for recommendations and check references. Once you start working with a helper and it goes well, the trust issue becomes easier to manage, Lindquist says. 

Reason for reluctance: Not wanting to lose control

This fear stemmed from participants’ belief that asking others to help with or take over a task (such as grocery shopping) that they had done previously meant relinquishing control of the situation or that area of their lives.

Strategy for overcoming it

Remind yourself that “you’re the one in control because you’re doing the asking and you can name the time and place,” Lindquist advises. Also, remember that “if you’re open to help, you’re more likely to stay in your home longer.”

After completing the focus groups, Lindquist and her team created an online tool called Plan Your Lifespan (www.planyourlifespan.org) to help older adults, their family members and caregivers better communicate and plan for possible home-based needs. “It was built for seniors by seniors, and it helps people plan for their 70s, 80s, and 90s — what we call the fourth quarter,” Lindquist says. “It’s about empowering older adults and helping them figure out what they want for the future. This way, they have a say before they get sick or injured or there’s an emergency.

Ultimately, Lindquist adds, “Seniors need to realize that asking for help doesn’t mean I’m less independent. It just means I want to stay in my home longer.”