‘Golden Bachelorette’ Joan Vassos, 61: ‘I Feel Like I Had the Best Gift in the World’

What would you say to other older single people who may have given up on love?

If you’re 70, if you’re 80, if you still feel like you want to live your life and you want to have something outside of that support role, give it a try. What do you have to lose? You work really hard to have these rich lives by the time you’re our age — by the time you’re getting AARP The Magazine in your mailbox — and life is just more fun when you get to share it with somebody. So if you want that, you should go out and get it.

You must have been looking for different qualities in a man now, compared to when you were in your 20s. What were they?

Yeah, way different. In my 20s, I was looking for somebody who I could build a life with, that I would want to have kids with. Then the icing on the cake is that you get your kids all raised, and you have a great time doing that, and then you get to be a couple again. And John passed away when my fourth child was in college — right when we were about to enter those really cool golden years. My future just became this black hole, and so [on the show] I was looking for somebody to help fill that black hole. I wanted somebody who’s ready for some adventure, who’s going to be fun and have the same zest for life that I still have.

How did it feel to be the person with all the choices after being one of many women vying for one guy?

Totally different, honestly. When I was on Gerry’s season, you could kind of fade in the background. I am a naturally shy person, so I stood in the back with a couple of the other women that were on the shier side. When you’re the main person, there is no hiding. You are part of everything, uncomfortable or not. And then you also have the responsibility for people’s feelings, and that is hard. I knew I could cope with my feelings if I was sent home, but to hurt somebody else’s feelings is a lot harder for me.

What was it like, sending guys home?

I hated that. I felt really uncomfortable, and that was the hardest part of this whole journey. Rose ceremonies were really, really hard. I didn’t want to hurt these people’s feelings. They give up a lot to be on this show, and I didn’t want anybody to leave feeling badly about it.

We learned something from The Golden Bachelor — that older people put great importance on where they live and being near their children. So did you make sure you were on the same page on where you’d live while you were getting to know these guys?

I have a completely different view about that than most people. I think it’s fine to want to stay where you are. I’m not going to move. Most people this age have multigenerational responsibilities. I have a 92-year-old mother. I have an 86-year-old mother-in-law. I have kids and I have grandkids. So me moving would be very selfish and also very hard for me. They are my support system as much as I’m their support system. So I don’t want to leave them. I love my family. I love being able to see my grandkids all the time. And I worked hard to build great friendships, and I love where I live.

Cool, but what about the guy?

I want a guy exactly like that. I want a guy who loves his family, puts them first, has a lot of friends, has worked hard to build a really great life. And I think we could have a lot of fun living in each other’s lives instead of trying to merge those lives. If I get to go to wherever he lives and do the fun things that he has planned and meet his fun friends, and he does the same thing in mine, we get to have the best of both worlds. I get to have two fun lives, and then eventually, if they merge at some time when it’s right for both families, then you do. But if you don’t, you don’t. You still get to be with the person — you just do it in a different way. It requires effort, but I don’t think it’s a negative. I think it’s a positive, honestly.

What do you say to the many, many people who say that a reality show is a not-great way to meet the love of your life?

Well, those are people that haven’t gone out and tried to date. Because, let me tell you, that is no easier. I thought that I would have friends that would set me up with guys, and that was not true. They said, “Oh, I don’t have guys that you’re going to like” or “I don’t know anybody single.” And then meeting somebody organically, like out at a restaurant or at a wedding or at a wine tasting or wherever — guess what? That doesn’t happen either. And then there’s dating apps, and those are like having a job — you have to spend half your day texting back and forth to men you don’t really know, and a lot of them are less than truthful in their profiles. So I feel like I had the best gift in the world that I got to come and meet 24 men that had been selected for me. I think this is a great way to meet somebody. I think it actually works for a lot of people.