AARP Hearing Center
![Collage of woman and her mother. Collage of woman and her mother.](https://cdn.aarp.net/content/dam/aarpe/en/home/health/healthy-living/info-2020/covid19-changes-grieving/_jcr_content/root/container_main/container_body_main/container_body1/container_body_cf/container_image/articlecontentfragment/cfimage.coreimg.50.932.jpeg/content/dam/aarp/health/conditions_treatments/2020/08/1140-pamela-villalobos-and-mother.jpg)
By now, we all know how difficult COVID-19 has made many aspects of life. What it's also complicated? How we grieve.
The challenges can start with the shock of a relatively swift time line: A loved one gets sick in a hurry, is rushed to an ICU and put on a ventilator. With visitors often barred from the hospital (or nursing home) room, patients often die alone, unaccompanied by those who are most important to them. Final goodbyes may be said over a smartphone or computer tablet held by a health professional in the patient's room.
![member card Image Alt Attribute](https://cdn.aarp.net/content/dam/experience-fragments/uxdia-folder-structure/en/features/membership/inline-membership-promo/default/master5/_jcr_content/root/responsivegrid/container_copy/container/articleimage.coreimg.75.1140.png/content/dam/uxdia/membership-card-d-and-t.png)
LIMITED TIME OFFER: Labor Day Sale!
Join AARP for just $9 per year with a 5-year membership and get a FREE Gift!
This common pandemic scenario, says grief expert Robert Neimeyer, a psychologist and director of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition in Portland, Oregon, is very unlike the more typical pre-pandemic experience of losing a loved one to a chronic illness like cancer or heart disease. “Those allow us time in the hospital, sitting at the bedside of our loved one, telling stories of our shared experience.” With COVID-19, the opportunity to address life's unfinished business, to mend relationships or say goodbyes is often taken away — all of which can greatly affect our feelings and perspective once a friend or family member is gone.
From there, the collective ritual of a funeral or burial may be postponed, or the mourner unaccompanied. “So we have this broken web of connection, which creates what we psychologists call unfinished business in bereavement,” Neimeyer says.
Other kinds of loss also are linked with COVID — loss of employment or financial security, loss of physical contact with family and friends due to social distancing, loss of freedom of movement or a sense of control. All can contribute to what psychologists call complicated grief, one that's more difficult, intense, prolonged and disruptive than usual.
More From AARP
Adjusting to a New Normal After Trauma or Illness
How caregivers can cope with 'ambiguous loss'
How Spouses Can Mourn COVID-19 Losses Together
Sharing sadness and worry can help build a stronger relationshipPandemic Changes How Friends and Families Mourn
Technology plays new important role in funerals