Sober Curious? 10 Expert Tips to Cut Back on Alcohol

2. Focus on your why

Take a moment to understand why you want to cut back on drinking. “Be radically honest with yourself,” says Kristin Hankins, outpatient program manager at Mountainside treatment center. Ask yourself: “What is it that you want to explore in a sober lifestyle? Is it for health reasons, to gain clarity and focus, to improve relationships or simply to experiment with a different lifestyle?” Knowing what is driving this change can help you stay motivated and focused, explains Hankins. It’s also a good idea to take note of when you drink and to try to be more mindful of those moments, adds Hobelmann. For instance, are you drinking when you go out with friends socially after work or pouring a glass of wine out of habit every night when you cook dinner?

3. Create a community

Discuss your sober curiosity with friends and loved ones, as creating a community of others on the same journey can help you to succeed. “I think more people than you may have thought are actually considering this and thinking about it,” says Hobelmann. “I can’t tell you how many times I say I don’t drink, and people say, ‘Gosh, I need to do that or I need to take a break.’ So opening up to others about your desire to cut back may be an easy way to find accountability buddies. And regardless of whether they are sober curious themselves, ask those around you for support. This, says Albertson, has been pivotal in her success.

4. Have a plan

Changing a behavior, says Hobelmann, can be hard. And when it comes to alcohol, people often are quick to adopt an all-or-nothing mentality. “What we typically see is someone say, ‘Hey, I’m gonna stay completely sober for this period.’ And then when they have one drink, that’s out the window and they’re back to their old set of habits,” he explains. For this reason, it’s good to go in with a game plan, whether that’s cutting back to X number of drinks per week, drinking every other day to start or only drinking on the weekends. Then, once you feel good in that spot, you can reevaluate and go from there.

“Focus more on moderation or decreasing alcohol consumption than abstinence,” adds clinical director and licensed counselor Jenni Busse at Southern California recovery center Gratitude Lodge. Oftentimes, she explains, if one focuses on abstinence and slips up, it can lead them to give up as they feel like they have failed. “However, if you focus on moderation, it allows you to cut back in small, manageable steps, instead of cutting it out of your life cold turkey.”

5. Track the benefits

Writing down how drinking less positively impacts your life can help you stay motivated on your sober curious journey. Grab a notepad and jot down the benefits of what you’re feeling after cutting back. If you notice more energy, that you’re sleeping better, have fewer hangovers or see that your complexion has improved, for instance, write that down.

“Lowering alcohol intake can help improve function, cognition and health,” says Deborah Freeland, M.D., an assistant professor in the Department of Internal Medicine at UT Southwestern Medical Center. Cutting back, she adds, can also help reduce one’s risk of falls, driving impairment and cognitive decline, which are already high-risk conditions in older adults. “Decreasing alcohol can also reduce risk of other medical issues like insomnia, high blood pressure, stroke, osteoporosis, obesity, anemia, liver disease, cancer, heart conditions, depression and electrolyte abnormalities,” adds Freeland. And alcohol, she warns, can also interfere with numerous medications, which can be problematic, so you may notice some improvements in how prescribed medications affect you. On her end, Ayala has noticed that since she stopped the booze, she’s sleeping better, having an easier time with menopause symptoms and has less nasal pressure and fewer sniffles.

6. Find a substitute habit

Think about what inspires you to drink and find something else to do in those situations where drinking would normally occur. This, says Hobelmann, could be everything from taking a walk to watching a Netflix show. If you drink when you’re lonely, pick up the phone and call a friend or make plans to do something social. Albertson has found that prioritizing yoga, meditation and walking on the beach has really helped as a drinking distraction for herself. You can also revisit an old hobby you once had, whether that’s playing a musical instrument or making art. Drinking less will give you more time to pursue these passion projects in general and can pave the way to help you find new hobbies and interests.

7. Create a new signature drink

Albertson finds it helpful to purchase nonalcoholic beverages to sip and to create mocktails at home. She also enjoys going to restaurants and bars that serve nonalcoholic beverages, which most are doing today. Many bars and restaurants have entire mocktail menus, and there is an ever-increasing number of nonalcoholic drinks to buy at home. Ayala is also taking advantage of this. “I now drink sparkling water with a lime on the rocks and even enjoy creating pretty mocktails that are not filled with sugar,” she explains. You can find recipes for mocktails online.  Derek Brown, a National Academy of Sports Medicine-certified wellness coach and author of the organization’s new mindful drinking course, shares one of his favorites below.  

8. Don’t stress the social situations

When we were younger, being social was all about taking shots with friends at bars and drinking games in college. But that’s not so much the case in midlife and beyond, Hobelmann says. He encourages people to take inventory in a room the next time they’re out with friends. 

“Often when you go to a social event, you realize, wow, there are a lot of people here that aren’t drinking or drinking very little,” he says. And in general, he adds, people don’t care whether you drink or not. “Many people have this idea that if I don’t have a drink in my hand at a social event, people are going to think I’m strange or weird. It’s not the case,” he says. In fact, Hobelmann, who has been sober himself for more than 12 years, says that these days when he tells people he doesn’t drink, he’s more likely to be met with someone replying that they’d like to cut back as well than be met with resistance for not partaking.

9. Give mindful drinking a try

Another approach is to be more mindful about the amount of alcohol that you consume, a movement known as mindful drinking. Rosamund Dean, author of Mindful Drinking: How Cutting Down Can Change Your Life, refers to it as “the opposite of drinking without thinking.” “Mindful drinking, as the name suggests, tells us to not quit the alcohol entirely; it’s more of being conscious about your consumption and understanding its effects on your body and mind,” says Ashley Murry, chief clinical officer at Sana Lake Recovery. Next time you’re out with friends, you can practice it by savoring your drink, taking inventory of how you feel before asking for another round (for example, if you’re feeling tipsy or have a headache you might have had enough) and alternate alcohol with water so you’re optimally hydrated. 

Also pay attention to what inspires you to drink, suggests Hilary Sheinbaum, author of The Dry Challenge: How to Lose the Booze for Dry January, Sober October, and Any Other Alcohol-Free Month. For instance, is it stress, grief, social pressure? And note how much you are actually consuming at one time. For instance, one serving of beer is 12 ounces but a pint contains 16 ounces, already pushing you past that one drink limit you set for yourself. Having two pints is equivalent to nearly three servings of beer.

10. Pay attention to signs that you may need help

Wanting to cut back for health or personal reasons is one thing, but it’s also important to pay attention to signs that you may have a more serious addiction that could benefit from professional intervention. Warning signs to look out for include:

• You continue to drink despite negative consequences.
• Your job, relationships and friendships suffer as a result of your drinking.
• You find yourself lying about how much you drink.
• You’re becoming isolated from friends, family or any of the normal sort of social interactions that you have.
• You’re noticing a change in the way you feel or your physical health.
• You find yourself having cravings for alcohol.
• You notice you are building a higher tolerance.
• You experience withdrawal symptoms (headaches, sweating, irritability, anxiety, loss of appetite, shakiness) when you attempt to discontinue drinking.