Heartache for Those Unable to See Their Newborn Grandchildren

"He's familiar with our voices and has started to turn his head and look and respond. … We are doing everything we humanly can, even though we're 3,000 miles apart,” she says. “We've come to accept it isn't going away anytime soon."

Although new parents may be legitimately worried about exposing an infant to any illness, including COVID-19, the greater threat may actually be to grandparents themselves, who are often in the high-risk category due to age or preexisting conditions. Travel could expose grandparents to the coronavirus. What's more, family members — even those without symptoms — could unknowingly infect older relatives.

Experts recommend that if you preparing to meet a newborn grandchild soon, all parties should quarantine for two weeks before gathering, even if people appear to be asymptomatic.

Hard to provide support

For Albert and Sandra Davis (73 and 70, respectively), of Philadelphia, their experience after the birth of their newborn grandson, Jacob, is vastly different from past introductions to their other grandchildren. For one thing, Sandra wasn't able to be present at Jacob's birth, in May, something she was able to do previously.

"The bonding process and excitement that takes place is unbelievable, to hold a newborn baby,” she says.

Albert was also looking forward to participating in Jacob's bris, a Jewish circumcision ceremony, though technology allowed more relatives than usual to attend the event virtually.

On top of that, their son-in-law was recently diagnosed with COVID-19 and is quarantining in a separate bedroom while the rest of the family awaits testing. That means the young Seattle-based family can't receive hands-on help from anyone, including grandparents. The Davises’ daughter is caring for the family's newborn and 2-year-old on her own for the time being.

"It's really, really hard for everybody. Everybody loses ... the children, the grandchildren,” Sandra says. “It's something that can't be redone. They are only born once."

Newborns aren't the only ones missing the grandparents. Advocates for new parents are concerned, especially for mothers who may be recovering both physically and emotionally from childbirth.

Postpartum coach Chelsea Skaggs says many new moms and dads are struggling without family support during the pandemic. She's seeing “grief and lament” from parents who are missing their own parents through the new-baby period, when they would typically be receiving visits and food, and sharing special moments.

Though waiting is hard, grandparents say that when everyone finally feels safe to visit, the first in-person meeting with a grandchild will be special.

Grandparents Elena and Daniel Amsili (62 and 65, respectively), of Aventura, Florida, waited breathlessly for the first glimpse of their new grandchild over a video connection.

"We were desperate to talk and see them,” Elena says. “It was very emotional to see the new member of the family [via Facetime].”

To protect everyone's health, Elena stopped working on March 13 to quarantine at home, anticipating a visit with her new grandchild in New York. Elena is originally from Colombia, where family are typically very involved in a newborn's life.

But when Elena finally made the trip, her husband had to stay home because he has diabetes and is at high risk for COVID-19.

Elena “cried for happiness” when she saw the baby and stayed for a month, wearing a mask during the day. She regularly did Facetime calls with her husband to keep him involved.

"It was an amazing experience for me to be there and help them,” she recalls. “People used to tell me that children are special, but grandchildren are magical.”