Five Tips for New Grandparents

From respecting your kids’ parenting style to practicing online safety, here’s what you need to know

Kate Stone Lombardi,

AARP

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En español

Published February 28, 2023

/ Updated June 21, 2024

woman pointing to chalkboard drawing of a baby in diapers and teaching a class of grandparents

Tomi Um

My granddaughter was 6 months old when her parents introduced “baby-led weaning.” My daughter and son-in-law placed pieces of finely chopped food on Annie’s high chair tray. The idea was to allow her to explore different tastes and textures, while learning how to eat by herself safely.

Frankly, I was appalled. When I was a young mom, I spoon-fed jars of baby food into my 6-month-old’s mouth. Annie didn’t even have teeth yet! Her parents were giving her adult food, too, albeit in tiny or pureed portions.

As a grandmother, I’ve struggled to keep my mouth shut on multiple occasions. I failed on this one. I thought it was foolish and said so. My daughter assured me that she was following her pediatrician’s guidance. Sure enough, at 2½, Annie is an adventurous eater with a varied, healthy diet.

I should have known better. After all, I’m a proud graduate of a two-hour virtual grandparenting class given through the Perinatal Education Program at Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital in Stanford, California. Classes for new grandparents are popping up around the country. Most share the same origin: New parents in baby groups begged instructors to educate grandparents about how things have changed since they raised children. “We realized that getting everyone on the same page would definitely help,” says Packard’s community relations manager, Nancy Sanchez.

The reality is that standards of baby care have evolved over the last generation, and the more informed you are, the easier it will be to navigate a relationship with the new parents.

Child safety is paramount

Maybe you decorated your child’s crib with bumpers, blankets and toys. But your grandchild will probably be zipped into a “sleep sack” — a sort of infant sleeping bag — and laid atop a single sheet on a crib mattress. All those warm and fuzzy extras, including teddy bears and pillows, are now considered smothering risks. That cute mobile won’t be up for long either. As soon as baby can grab it, it becomes a strangling hazard.

Up your lifesaving skills by taking an infant CPR course. Learn to safely install new car seats, which are far more complicated than earlier versions. Many police and fire departments offer free inspections.

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Practice online safety

Your grandchild is the cutest human ever born. I know — so is mine. But you must follow parents’ rules about posting images of your grandchild on social media. They’re likely savvier about the risks and privacy implications of online exposure.

Stay in your lane; respect your kids

Your grandchild is not your child. Repeat, not your child. Unless you believe your grandchild is in real danger, keep your mouth shut. First-time parents are often insecure, and even well-meaning advice can be heard as criticism.

Your grandchild is growing up in a different world

When most of us were raising kids, we didn’t have to worry about social media, school shootings, climate change and myriad other issues that today’s stressed parents cope with. Don’t minimize their concerns; offer support.

Keep learning and growing

I have friends coping with their grandchild’s gender transition. Others grapple with grandchildren raised on a different continent. Times change, in ways big and small. Annie started attending full-time day care five days a week when she was just 8 months old. She was so tiny. My granddaughter caught one virus after another. Her baby nose was constantly streaming and I was worried.

Yet I knew her parents loved their daughter more than life itself. I trusted their decision. Now Annie has a strong immune system, great social skills, and loves “school.” I’m grateful I held my tongue. My opinion wouldn’t have changed my daughter’s mind (she works a demanding, full-time job) but would have created resentment.

Recently, I picked up Annie from day care. She ran toward me, arms outstretched, her face alight. Hugging her, I was awash in love. If remaining welcome in my granddaughter’s life means respecting a few rules, that’s a small price to pay.

—Adapted from The Ethel (aarpethel.com)

Editor's note: This article was originally published on February 28, 2023. It has been updated to new information.

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Kate Stone Lombardi, is a contributing writer whos work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Good Housekeeping, Time.com and other national publications.