8 Ways a Man Can Make Friends After 50

Every Monday at 7 a.m., my friend Todd meets with a men’s group at a grocery store café.

The group was formed in 2018 by the pastor of Todd’s church in Burlington, Washington church. When the pastor moved to another town, Todd, 58, and his three comrades continued to meet.

After some icebreaking chit-chat, each man talks for 20 minutes about their lives. For Todd, who’s dealing with a divorce, the group is a godsend.

“We encourage each other and we’re there for each other,” he said. “One guy lost his mother a year ago. Another has a challenging relationship with one of his kids. It’s so good to not feel alone.”

Many older men crave close friendships but struggle to find them. The percentage of men with at least six close friends plummeted from 55 percent in 1990 to 27 percent in 2021, according to an American Enterprise Institute survey. Fifteen percent had no close friends at all.

If this sounds familiar — if you feel like Spock without a Kirk or McCoy — don’t worry. It’s not too late.

The Harvard Study of Adult Development, a happiness survey that has tracked some adult participants for nearly 85 years, learned that men have found new, deep friendships in their 60s, 70s, even 80s.

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. We need friends. Here’s how to make them:

Focus on your interests

You probably know ways to meet guys. You could volunteer or join a club or a sports league. Whatever you choose, focus on your passions. Don’t join a wine club to meet people; join it because you love wine.

“One of the easiest ways to make new friends is to do something you care about—you have an immediate subject in common, so you have something to talk about,” said Robert Waldinger, a psychiatrist and director of the Harvard study. Apps such as Meetup, Eventbrite, OpenSports, and Facebook can help you find and start groups.

Be specific

When approaching a potential buddy, suggest a concrete activity and make your would-be friend feel valued, psychotherapist Robert Garfield suggested in his book "Breaking the Male Code: Unlocking the Power of Friendship."

So instead of vague invitations like “Let’s get together sometime,” Garfield recommends: “I usually do this bike route on my own, but it’d be nice to ride with another hardcore rider.” Or, “I know you love IPAs—want to have a beer at that new brewery?”

Stay positive

Making new friends is like hitting a baseball, Waldinger believes. Even an awesome hitter only bats around .300. “You may reach out to somebody and they don’t answer or they’re lukewarm,” he said.

“But if you try a few times, with a few different people, you’ll have success.” Also, be patient. People are busy. Negotiate times and suggest alternative activities