I Just Got Ghosted and Feel Awful! And How to Date Without Apps

Boo! That’s the fun kind of ghosting surprise you experience on Halloween. The other one — getting dropped by a romantic interest without even a peep — is not so fun.

My guy ghosted me four years into our relationship. No explanation, no communication. Textbook ghosting, as you’ll learn below.

In the Mood

For AARP’s In the Mood column, writer Ellen Uzelac will ask experts your most pressing 50+ sex and relationship questions. Uzelac is the former West Coast bureau chief for The Baltimore Sun. She writes frequently on sex, relationships, travel and lifestyle issues.

Do you have a question? Email us at sexafter50@aarp.org

This week, four relationship coaches and therapists weigh in on how to deal when your partner ghosts you and how to jump into the dating pool old-school style (without apps!).

I’ve just been ghosted — and I’m hurting. How do I get to the other side?

Ghosting is tough because the person drops you without any explanation or communication, which can make closure difficult.

“There’s no magic pill. It’s going to hurt for a while,” says Susan Milstein, a certified sexologist through the American Board of Sexology. “As much as this feels like it’s about you, this is really about the other person.”

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Among the self-care measures our experts recommend:

Express your story. Some people who’ve been ghosted feel shame or responsibility when, as sex therapist Tameca Harris-Jackson puts it, “the onus is on the other person 100 percent.” She says it’s helpful to share your experience with friends to normalize it. “People will tell you that the person was wrong, that this should never have happened. This helps affirm and validate the experience for you,” she says.

Create rituals that give you closure. Write an email to the person, saying how you feel. “Get it all out,” says Gretchen Shanks, a sex and relationship coach certified by the Somatica Institute. “Just don’t send it.” Other rituals she recommends: Get rid of any items the person gave you. Delete photographs. Remove the person from your contacts list. “Doing something tangible helps close out the relationship. You are in charge,” she says. “Step into living your life. Remind yourself of all the things you enjoy doing, and go out and do them.”