Our Grown Son Still Lives With Us. Should We Charge Him Rent?

More twenty-something 'boomerang kids' are moving back home with their parents. Some don't want to leave

Lizzie Post,

AARP

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Published December 06, 2024

a for rent sign being hung on a kids bedroom door

Jon Krause

If your kids are young adults, there’s a good chance they’re still living under your roof. Nearly half of all U.S. adults ages 18 to 29 are living with family, the highest level since the 1940s, according to a recent Harris survey for Bloomberg.

There are a variety of reasons “boomerang kids” shack up with their folks. Some are buried in student loans. Some are in credit card debt. Some are struggling to find work or are stuck in a low-paying job. And some are just content living with their parents while they’re in their 20s or 30s.

Record-high rents are also making it more difficult for younger adults to establish financial independence. Thirty percent of respondents in the Bloomberg poll said they moved home because they couldn’t afford to live on their own.

Having adult kids move back in can put a financial burden on parents. But how do you broach the subject of charging junior rent without harming your relationship?

Our son is 28 years old and living with us. He has a job, but he’s shown no interest in finding his own place. We want to start charging him rent to help pay the bills. At the same time, we don’t want to make his childhood home a place he feels unwelcome. We’re wrestling with this decision. Any suggestions?

This is becoming a more common living arrangement in American families. It used to be expected that at 18, you were an adult headed out into the world to start making it on your own. My mother jokingly calls kids who return home after college or after venturing out on their own for a few years “bounced checks.”

Whether you’re thrilled to have an adult child back at home or you’re feeling a bit like your kid is cramping your lifestyle as an empty nester, I think it’s worth exploring some arrangement that has them being a contributor to the household.

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If you haven’t done so already, now is the time to set clear expectations for your adult kid’s duties around the house. It’s your home, so you make the rules when it comes to chores like cooking meals, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, etc.

You also get to determine if you’d like to have any financial contributions, whether out of want or need.

Consider your situation and the financial impact that a third person has on your home expenses. Are you spending more on groceries? Paying higher water or electric bills? Also take into account his income and typical rents in your area. This will give you a real sense of what to aim for when suggesting an amount for rent.

With that number in mind, it’s time for a conversation. “Hey Sam, we’d like to talk with you about changing the living arrangement we have going. We always want you to feel welcome at home, but since you’re living here and not visiting, we’d like to have you contribute to the household expenses.”

If what you truly want is for your son to move out, I recommend a different approach. Start by clearly articulating your wishes. “Hey Sam, we’d like to talk with you about making plans to move into a place of your own. We love you very much, and this will always be your childhood home, but we think it’s time for you to take the next step and live on your own.”

You might catch him by surprise if he wasn’t thinking of moving out — and, understandably, he might need a minute to wrap his head around the idea. But as the parents and homeowners, it’s OK for you to set boundaries and expectations, and it’s also OK for you to say when you’re ready for this living arrangement to conclude. After your son moves out, demonstrate through your actions — inviting him to come over for dinners or movie nights, hosting him during the holidays — that this is, and always will be, his home, even if it’s not where he lives.

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Lizzie Post is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette legend Emily Post. She’s the co-president of The Emily Post Institute, co-author of Emily Post’s Etiquette: the Centennial Edition and co-host of the Awesome Etiquette podcast.