‘The Golden Bachelorette’ Episode 2 Recap: “Meet Me at the Happiest Place on Earth”

Pascal, is even more of a douleur au cou (pain in the neck) than his fancy French accent might suggest

Pascal explained to his roommates that he hasn’t done his own laundry in 40 years and offered $100 per load to anyone who would do it for him (Gregg took on the task, perhaps as penance for his snoring). And Pascal took over an entire closet to store his meticulously folded designer clothes. Also? “I sleep naked,” he told his dumbstruck roommates. “I’m high maintenance,” he confided to the camera, with a shrug.

The first group date was a prom

Gary, Bob, Jonathan, 61, Charles L., 66, Mark, 57, Jordan, 61, Guy, 66, and first-impression-rose recipient Keith, 62, were all ushered into a room full of retro formal wear so they could dress for their big date. They were going to a prom! “The first-ever Golden Prom,” as host Jesse Palmer put it. They donned colorful tuxes, then Vassos — wearing a poofy cream-colored confection that showed off her long, thin legs — picked them up in a white stretch limo and took them to a high school for their prom. The dancing began with the entry of (surprise!) singer Taylor Dayne, 62, belting out her 1980s hit “Tell it to My Heart.”

The other group date was a talent show

Vassos had to perform in a talent show last year on The Golden Bachelor, where, terrified, she read a poem called “I Just Hope I Don’t Vomit on Your Shoes.” So she decided to inflict the same brand of humiliation on Dan, 64, Gil, Jack, Michael, Bob, Kim, 69, Charles K., 62, and Gregg, at the Second Annual Golden Talent Showcase. Charles broke a board in half with his fist (unfortunately, Gregg was holding it for him and got punched in the stomach). Pascal gave a wig a fabulous haircut in three minutes.

Joan having dinner with Dan, 64, a private investor from Naples, Florida.

Disney

Dan was awesome

Dan’s talent show performance was a sort of dance with a pair of ribbons, leaning into the fact that he has hand tremors. Vassos rewarded him for his sweetness and vulnerability with a rose and a private dinner for two, during which Dan revealed a slew of other health issues. (See our story about AARP’s on-set visit for more on the talent show group date.)

Chock was chosen for a ‘magical’ one-on-one date with Vassos. And he was fun. Really.

His invitation said, “Meet me at the happiest place on earth.” That place? Disneyland Resort, of course. (Disney owns ABC.) Vassos made it clear to the Kansas insurance executive that this date was meant to reassure her that he could be fun (no pressure!). Determined, Chock said, “I’m 60 years old and I’m ready to have fun. I’m gonna let loose today.” They held hands, spun around together on a Dumbo-themed ride and, later, enjoyed a formal candlelit dinner — she in a sparkly turquoise gown, Chock in a tux. He was super fun! “You’re pretty darn fun,” Vassos told him. “I see a glimmer of a future together.” And later, to the camera, she noted, “He was fun. He was really fun.”

There were far fewer mentions of this special ‘journey’ this week

While there were a whopping 24 mentions of the word “journey” during the premiere, there were only 11 on Episode 2, plenty enough to get sloshed in our previously proposed drinking game. “I’m humbled we’re on this journey,” Gary noted, for one. “I want to continue this journey,” said Charles L., for another.

Jealousy began rearing its (sort of amusing) head

Kim, the retired Navy Captain from Seattle, was definitely not pleased when Dan was whisked off to a private dinner with Vassos after winning the talent show. “I’m feeling sad,” he told the camera. Because he looked grumpy, too, one of the guys whispered, audibly, “I think the Captain’s pissed.” To which Kim responded, “Of course I am! What I’m here for is to get to know Joan and to have her get to know me.”

We learned a few random interesting things

Jordan once went out on a date with special prom guest Taylor Dayne (wait, what?). And Gary is Tina Turner’s godson.

The ‘coming up’ reel hinted at the drama to come

Besides the obvious staples of the series, kissing and tears, we can expect: Vassos and Pascal driving together in a convertible; Vassos horseback riding with some unidentifiable guy; Vassos telling the men that she’s not really ready for love; and the arrival of (gasp!) the Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner (he of the three-month marriage), who asks her, “Have you considered the possibility that your guy is not here?” To which we say, Um, no, Gerry, that’s not how this very special journey works. True love must be found by the final episode. Sheesh. See you next week.