‘The Golden Bachelorette’ Premiere Recap: Joan Vassos, 61, Sends 6 Men Home

Everyone was super excited about this “journey.”

If you and your friends want to try a drinking game while watching this series, take a slug every time someone mentions their “journey.” Actually, don’t. We don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s alcohol poisoning. Host Jesse Palmer started as soon as the first limo pulled up: “Joan, let the journey begin.”

The first bachelor out of the limo, Pascal, 69, a suave character from Paris who now runs a beauty salon in Chicago, told Vassos, “I want you to know that I’m excited about this journey.” Jonathan, 61, a tall, handsome shipping consultant from Iowa, told her, “I hope there’s a possibility for us to end up at the end of the road together on this journey.” And so on.

Episode 1 “journey” count: 24

Man, do these guys love their kids.

It seemed like most of the men were there because of their daughters: “Like a lot of the guys, I’ve been finding out, my daughter signed me up,” said Dan, 64, a private investor from Naples, Florida, who has two daughters. “They’re my world,” he told Vassos.

Many of the men chatted about their adult children and, in many cases, grandchildren who hold a giant place in their hearts. “Family comes first,” said Jordan, 61, a sales manager from Chicago (another Chicagoan! There were three in the mix).

Before the rose ceremony, the group was shown a highlight reel containing video messages from their kids that left some of them in tears. Not something you’d ever see with the youngsters on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette.

Also, the young guys probably don’t talk about hip replacements. “How many fake hips in the group?” Keith, 62, from San Jose, California, asked the gang, to laughter. “I’ve got one.”

Joan meets Kim, 69, a retired Navy captain from Seattle.

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So the men were loving each other. And metaphors.

For one: “Joan’s going to have her work cut out for her because there’s no shortage of stallions in the stable from which to choose,” said Kim, 69, a rather square retired Navy captain from Seattle who donned his uniform for the party.

Keith was the night’s top dog.

Keith, a self-described “girl dad,” is a good-looking dude — and big, at 6-foot-5 and 240 pounds. He received the coveted first impression rose. Why? They’d played a fun game of cornhole together. He loves the beach. She loves the beach, too! “It’s exciting, I can picture being with him,” Vassos said later. “He seems like he’d make life fun.“ And they kissed — like, for real. Nice choice, Joan, IMHO.

She also seemed taken by Frenchman Pascal, although he laid his accent on pretty thick for a guy who’s been in the States for at least four decades (the other guys teased him on that point). “That was a very sexy accent, and very charming,” Vassos said to the camera after they spoke.

And she noted that she liked Jonathan’s “adorable dimple.”

(My current predicted finalists, for the record: Mark, Keith and Jonathan.)

Jack, 68, a caterer from Chicago, introduces himself to Joan.

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She kept the silly guy who could cook, which was nice.

You had to root for Jack, 68, a gregarious, bearded caterer from Chicago who pulled up in the limo wearing a pink sport coat and shouting, “We’re at the mansion! This is the coolest freaking thing!” He approached Vassos singing an endearingly inexpert version of Sinatra’s “My Way.” But later he showed off his culinary prowess, bringing her a meal he’d just whipped up: tenderloin medallions with Bordelaise sauce, asparagus with hollandaise sauce — the works. Jack said later, “I cooked for Joan and I sang for Joan, and those are two of the only things that I’m really good at in my life.” Aw! He got the last rose.

Vassos had to leave the room before giving out the last few roses.

She got all verklempt. It was too hard. “There are just not enough roses,” she said to the camera. “It’s going to be awful sending any one of these guys home.” Then ABC inserted a commercial break (obvi), and she returned to give out the last few.

What the “coming up” reel revealed.

There will be horseback riding, snorkeling, crying, fireworks, bowling, a trip to Vegas, some sort of strip show, and Vassos saying, “I love you, Mark” (woo-hoo!). Stay tuned for Episode 2!