Why Does My Partner Need Porn to Get Aroused?

​And ask yourself: If you’re not into watching the porn with him, would you object to him watching it on his own before sex? ​ ​

Bottom line: “You don’t have to participate in it if you don’t like it,” says Kaufman. ​

​Find porn you’re comfortable with. A lot of people are “triggered” by the idea of porn without ever having watched it, says Kaufman. And it’s possible you just haven’t found the kind of erotica that turns you on. ​

​If you find mainstream porn too graphic, for example, consider watching an R-rated movie, perhaps, or a “sexy” TV series like Bridgerton or Outlander. ​

​Or if porn just seems too fake to you, certified sexuality educator Jane Fleishman says there are a number of websites that feature sexually explicit content using “real people,” including older adults, rather than airbrushed young performers. Among her favorites: makelovenotporn.com, which she calls “refreshing,” “delightful” and “real.” She’s also a fan of erikalust.com and pinklabel.tv. ​ ​

My wife and I started to sleep in separate bedrooms due to TV viewing habits and snoring (my issues) and insomnia (her issue). How do we make sure our sex life doesn’t suffer as a result?

​Your sex life isn’t going to suffer – it’s about to get hotter. ​ ​

Price, a “firm believer in separate bedrooms,” frames it this way: “Getting enough sleep makes sex better. Unless you both sleep soundly together on the same schedule, sleeping apart is good for your sex life.” ​

​But first you have to do a bit of housekeeping. Figure out which bedroom is going to be your sex room, Price says, and equip it with lube, well-charged sex toys, favorite pillows and any other essentials that may heighten your sexual pleasure. ​ ​

And think about scheduling sex dates in the morning or in the afternoon (not bedtime) when “you’re fresh and rested and ready for each other,” Price adds. If you need some conversation or cuddle time before or after, Fleishman recommends building in time for that as well. ​ ​

Price also suggests that you and your wife assess the arrangement periodically. “This is not a big deal requiring special negotiation,” she says. But you do want to make sure that sleeping separately is working well for you both. ​